Have you ever wondered what your life would be like today if just one thing had been different?

I asked myself that question every single damn day of my life if you could even call it that.

The ash under my fingers now matched the color of the cold earth on which I was sitting.

I tried to ignore the pain coursing through my back and just stared at my fingers. I forced myself into absolute emptiness. Without this emptiness, I would already be underground.

I had just been reminded of where my place was. Or so Alister called it.

For as long as I could remember, he loved slamming the leather straps against the skin. He always called it that afterward. To remember

me. Like I don't know who I am with every breath I take. Nothing. An unworthy shadow that was of no use. A human.

I always was and always would be. I stared down as if hypnotized. You can never look them in the eye. This was one of the first and most important rules that I had to learn painfully right from the start. It made them angry when a person looked them directly in the eye. It was a challenging gesture that often resulted in a broken neck.

Alister's cold hand roughly grabbed my arm and pulled me to my feet. I quickly put some distance between us, still reeling from the pain, and exposed my throat. A sign of submission.

I didn't even have to look up to know that that disgusting grin was on his lips again. Alister wasn't exactly a big man, but he made up for his lack of size with his cruelty. His face looked like someone had tried to fit a face that was too small onto a large skull. His skin was strangely pulled tight, making his face incredibly ugly and resembling a grimace.

I smelled his breath, which smelled of ash. "You're such a pretty thing," he stroked my cheek with a finger. I would like to shake myself. But I didn't do that. Don't show fear. It's best not to show anything. No feelings. Never.

"At some point, Lucy. At some point, you too will cower in the dirt and beg like the others." With these words, he pushed me forcefully back into the mud that had been softened by the autumn rain. He spat at my feet and I saw his eyes light up briefly before he took the whip and left me in the cold.

Alister was a guardian. He made sure that the servants did what was asked of them. And you had to give him one thing. He was damn good at his job. Pretty much everyone trembled in his presence.

I had long ago stopped asking myself why. But today I knew the reason. I dropped a plate and before I could even kneel to pick up the pieces, I was being dragged out of the property by my hair. Behind the stables, where the screams wouldn't disturb the nobles. But I didn't scream. I never did that. That was the last thing I had left.

I wasn't the only person in Alpha Lucien's service, I wasn't the only one who had felt Alistar's wrath. But I was his darling, his favorite.

The poor orphan girl, the human child who was sold. An easy target. And no one seemed to care or even notice that sometimes I could only move with pain, or that I had blood running down my back. Naturally. Officially I was an employee, a servant. But let's be honest. I was nothing but a slave.

To the wolves, I was nothing more than a beetle that they could crush under their claws. My life could be over at any moment. I was fully aware of that.

Taking a deep breath, I sat up again and froze at the pain that shot through my body. I tried to look at my back. My work shirt was tattered and red welts covered my scars from darker nights.

Iris would kill me. She would take the new shirt off my food. I just stood there for a while, staring into the adjacent forest that surrounded the Alpha's property. The nearest town where his pack lived was 10 minutes away from here.

A few more seconds. I allowed myself just a few more seconds of fresh air. I was still able to walk, which meant I had to go back to work.

Then I turned around and disappeared into the huge building, which was brimming with ostentation with its facade reminiscent of Baroque times.

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As soon as I entered the kitchen, the cook stood in front of me. She stared at me with her black beady eyes as if she wanted to kill me. Which wasn't surprising. She was probably just waiting for the moment when Allister would finish it.

"You useless thing! Get back to work." I nodded quickly to get away from Iris as quickly as possible.

On the way to the shards, I felt the hateful looks of the others on me. Each of us knew what had been done to me in the past hour. Everyone in this room had already experienced it firsthand. We all shared the same fate. But not in one look did I recognize anything like compassion. Because I was still human.

Most of those in the working class were Omega. The weakest in the pack. But they were still werewolves. They could still kill me. And now and then, I found myself wishing one of them would finally finish it.

The shards cut into my palm, but it no longer bothered me. Quite the opposite. It reminded me of something that I forget now and then.

I was still alive.

The Alpha was a sadist.

But his son was much worse. At just 10 years old, he was already worse than his father. He was the devil and the reason I hoped I would be dead before he was old enough to take over as Alpha.

And I found myself in the room with the people who would probably rather kill me than talk to me. Hiding in the shadows, I clutched my tray, hoping I wasn't shaking so badly. The king sat at the end of a long table filled with enough food to feed a large family. For about 2 weeks.

The Alpha's smacking filled the room as Jonah threw grapes at a servant. A grape just hit the poor man right in the eye. He didn't even flinch.

The pack's Luna hadn't been seen in years. I didn't even want to know what happened to the poor woman. The alpha, Lucien, was an older, plump man with gray hair that seemed to have once been blonde. In any case, Jonah's hair was blonde.

The Alpha paused and looked at his son. "I want you to behave tomorrow night! Do we understand each other?" he said. The boy's eyes widened and he nodded quickly before he set about using the pies as catapults. The good food. I was really hungry. Alpha Lucien was probably the only one who had the devil under control.

The whole castle was already in great excitement about tomorrow evening. It seemed to have been buzzing here for a few weeks, like a beehive. Ever since the king announced the ball. Tomorrow, all of the continent's Alpha would gather in the grand ballroom. The strongest, dangerous, and bloodthirsty creatures in the world in one room. Yes, hallelujah!

I pass.

However, that was not up for debate. For better or for worse, I'll have to go into the lion's den tomorrow evening. And what to do? Serving drinks and hoping not to get mauled, most likely. Even now I was already praying that the king wouldn't notice me. It wouldn't be unusual for him to tear me apart just for fun. It was no coincidence that Iris increasingly assigned me to serve the food. She sent me near the monster.

I took a deep breath and calmed my heart. A tactic I've now mastered, like breathing. An accelerated heartbeat was noticeable and like blood in water. They heard everything, every breath, every heartbeat. I could already feel the panic coursing through me at the thought of tomorrow. It would be hell. But I will survive. I always did that.

The other servants didn't seem afraid. Of course, a few seemed nervous, but many were downright happy. I didn't understand these dogs. The kitchen was the birth of rumors and you just had to listen to hear all sorts of stories. The servants loved to whisper. Nothing seemed safe from the shadows with ears.

So it happened that I knew quite a lot about the Highnesses who would be arriving tomorrow, even though I hardly left the walls of this property. Just this morning I had overheard a group of female Omegas gushing about the Alphas and even dreaming that they might be mates to one of these monsters. I almost laughed out loud. Not that it was any of my business, but I just didn't understand how anyone could wish for something like that.

The stories they told were horrific and I didn't doubt for a moment that there was someone out there who had it worse than me. Alpha was so cruel that even Lucien seemed like a sweet puppy compared to him.

In any case, a lot of work would await me this night. Iris won't let me go until everything is finished. The Alpha only gets the best of the best. Lucien's coughing fit brought me out of my thoughts. "We'll make a good impression tomorrow. I want the other packs to see our pack for who we are. Strong, powerful, and not to be underestimated," he said after he caught his breath. "Especially the northern packs, we have to keep an eye on them. They are very powerful. Almost too powerful," he wiped the fat from his chin and looked at his son, who was just massacring a piece of meat.

When he felt his father's gaze on him, he paused and looked up at him.

"Yes, father."

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Everything hurt me. I knew I didn't have much time because the sun was about to rise again, but I still collapsed onto my 'mattress' with a small smile. Yes, I had my little room. Well, it was smaller than a broom closet, but the sack of straw that served as my mattress fit in there.

Plus, I didn't have to share a room with wolves. Those days were, thank gods, over. Life wasn't so bad after all. I even had a small window. It was rather a small hole because the servants' rooms were in the basement, but when I lay there I could sometimes see the stars. Like now. Little white dots shone down on me and I instantly didn't feel so alone anymore.

I didn't believe in gods like the wolves. No, I had lost faith in merciful powers on another night in the mud. But I believed that I was not alone. The stars gave me a feeling of security that I couldn't describe. Still looking towards the sky, I searched with my hand under my mattress for my treasure.

I felt the hard envelope and pulled it out. I reverently stroked the pages of my only possession. The pages of the old book were already yellowed and the corners were folded, but it was still incredibly valuable to me. It was an old book that I found in the trash many years ago. I could read, my mother had taught me before she died.

And every time I read, it made me feel like a piece of her was still here. I've read the book a thousand times. It was a story about a young wizard who had lost everything and was hiding from the world because of who he was. But one day everything changed. I knew every sentence by heart, knew every word, but it didn't matter.

I kept catching myself trading my sleep for a few moments in another life. The story let me escape, I was no longer in the cold room, I was in forests full of magic. Felt emotions that weren't mine and met people worth fighting for. The leaves always welcomed me back, like an old friend. And the words seemed like they were just for me.

When I read, I no longer felt so alone