Alpha Cole

Curling my fingers in front of my face, I stared at the woman who was seated opposite me.

Amelia.

She was taking small quantities of her spicy fish ramen, making sure to savor every of her small bites. The way a typical lady who was trying to get a man like her even more, would do.

We were at a diner, something I wouldn't call a date because I didn't want to come here in the first place. It was all her plan.

When she came at my place that evening and told me she wanted us to go out on a date, that there was a new fancy dinner in town. And having declined most of her invitations to go out with her, I decided to give this a try because the way she had her eyes on me was as though if I rejected, I'd crumple her world.

The ramen in front of me was untouched, not because I wasn't hungry, but because I was suddenly feeling uncomfortable. I'd rather be anywhere than here.

Not that I could leave, just that I had been too harsh toward her all these while and today, I wanted to try and be more human.

Amelia and I had been together for two months. And she was trying her possible best to get me to like her as much as she liked me. But it was always a failed attempt.

She was even the one who summoned up the courage to ask me out, something which was very bold. On seeing how she always tried to make her way into my world, and stuck around even when I pushed her away on several occasions, I accepted without getting intimate or romantic with her for my own reasons.

I was feeling slightly uncomfortable because the need to head home was overwhelming, even the sweet smelling aroma of the spicy fish ramen in front of me wasn't interesting me. I just wanted to be alone, because that was when I felt even more human. I liked the quiet, I liked privacy, I liked going out alone. Going out with a female felt like I was betraying her even though she wasn't here.

"You don't like the food?"Amelia suddenly asked, with her blue eyes laced with concern.

I shook my head no, because she clearly wouldn't understand if I told her. So I decided to keep mute, feeling even more guilty I was still there.

Amelia looked away from me and carried on eating, only that this time it seem as though she wasn't enjoying the food as before.

Although, Amelia was very beautiful, with the perfect body any man would drool over, I wasn't that interested in her. Despite the countless times she had try to make me notice her. I just accepted to be her date because she had refused to give up on me.

Ever since Daphne, my fiancee died in a car crash, it felt like a part of me died with her as well. Because she was my everything. I couldn't picture life without her in it. She was the only girl I had ever loved. My first love actually.

She was my saving grace. Made me leave the deadly mafia gang I belonged to, she made me wanted to be normal again. But the chains of death bound and took her away.

When I learnt about her death, bitterness and guilt ate me up that I held myself responsible for her death and vowed never to forgive myself.

"Is anything wrong?"Amelia's voice suddenly pulled me out of my saddening thoughts.

I shook my head no and insisted we head out, which she quickly agreed to, dumping the food.

When we got home, Amelia hurriedly kissed me.

It was unexpected, something I clearly didn't see coming. And it felt as though she had been anticipating on doing it for a long time since I hadn't made any move since we started dating.

It was actually the first time in two years I was getting kissed by a female again, and it felt odd.

Her eyes darted between mine, with hurt clouded in them. Then she looked away, sadly.

"How long will you keep pushing me away Cole, how long?"When she returned her eyes to mine. I saw tears welled up in them.

"I'm sorry, but you don't understand. You wouldn't understand."

She wiped the tears away quickly with the back of her palm. Place her hand at the side of my cheek, then implored "Make me understand, please."The pain and sincerity in her voice made me pity her.

I wondered what she saw in me, that she wasn't willing to let go. When there were thousands good looking and wealthy men out there who would kill to be with her.

Not wanting to spill the ugly details about my past, because I'd have to travel down the terrible memory lane, I cupped her cheeks between my palms then kissed her roughly. She responded in pushing her hands through my hair and pressing her body to mine.

I broke the kiss when she started undoing my buttons.

"There's..something I have to say."I said in between catching my breath. It was something I had decided to talk about, on seeing how desperate she wanted to be close to me.

She stared up at me nervously, then nodded for me to go ahead.

"This feelings you have for me, as much I don't want to hurt you, I can't return them. The only thing I am capable of giving you is pleasure. So, I'm gonna ask you. Do you want this? Me and you having an affair. Do you want it? Because if it's love that you want, I'm sorry, but I'm not capable of returning it. The only thing I'm fit to give, is nothing but pleasure."

Again, a deafening silence filled the room. And I knew she was lost in thoughts. She probably wasn't happy with what I had said.

I hadn't been with any woman since the death of Daphne. And since I knew she wasn't letting go of me. I decided to take advantage of it. Yes. I was a jerk too.

And then, she gave me a firm nod.

Still unsure of her reply, I watched her closely, then gave a slight warning. "You can back out now, because once we're into this, I don't want you talking about love. Or thinking about dragging me to the altar. Do you-"

"I want in."She interrupted me, filling in the little gap between us. She took hold of my hands then placed them on her waist. Before raising up her eyes to look up a me.

"I'll do whatever you say. All I care about right now is being in your arms".Then she kissed me. I gave her the access to control the pace.

This woman, who was so desperate to be close to me. Amelia.

Before I knew it, we were in my room. Kissing violently, undressing our selves and tossing our clothes on the floor.

And from then onward, that was how things kicked off between me and her.