We finished eating and cleaning the table.  Sophie did not join us today, and everyone was gloomy at the table except for my father, who kept talking about his catch today and how he saw a strange-shaped bird watching him from afar.  During the whole time we ate dinner I did not listen carefully to everything he said, I was thinking about everything, whether it was important or not, and especially, the danger, which I have no idea about. 

I kept wondering, if my mom meant everything she said to Sophie or if she was just saying it for her own protection.  As usual, I'm the last to know about anything going on in the house and I'm always at a loss.  My mother did not stay with me and my father, but went to rest in her room.  Liam said he was tired and wanted to sleep.  My father and I are the only ones in the living room, sitting in front of the small fireplace.

My father is in his favorite chair and I am on the ground near the fire with my back to my father.

"How was your day next?"

Dad asked with a small smile on his lips.

I didn't turn my face to him when I answered him

"Good, I think."

My father murmured a little, then said in a questioning tone

"What do you think? Is everything all right?"

 

Here I turned my face to him and intertwined my legs, then I looked seriously and then said

"Actually no. It's not all right.... I think you heard about Sophie and Mom having a fight today before dinner, right?"

He turned his back and rested his head on the chair, then answered

"Yeah right, Liam told me about it."

"Okay, can I tell you why?"

Think a bit before answering

“Yes, he said it was just a small quarrel between them, this is not the first time they quarrel.”

I blew the air hard and then said to him sternly as I looked into his hazel eyes without breaking my eyes at him

"Dad, you didn't tell me why! Are you avoiding the answer too?"

He looked at me with astonishment and suddenly laughed as if I had told him a joke.

He walked forward, put his arms on his knees, and said to me in a calm voice.

"No, I'm not trying to avoid the answer dear. I just don't see why you're so curious, it's just a fight and Liam didn't tell me why, he said the same thing I told you just now."

Take a breath and then continue

"I guess there's no reason or he just doesn't know either. Did you try to ask your mother?"

I bowed my head in resignation, for I know he did not know, for he came at dinnertime, and Liam had no breath at all to speak.  So I believe my father.

He has no reason to lie to me, between me and him I trusted blindly, since I was little, I relied on him and him in return too.  Sometimes I can tell what he's thinking and feeling when I look into his eyes or even by the tone of his voice when he speaks.  But I remembered when my mother mentioned the danger that would befall us if Sophie went out again.  I know he doesn't know....maybe, but what's the problem with trying and asking him about it?  Perhaps he has information, even superficial.

 

"My mom mentioned something strange when she quarreled with Sophie."  I said.

“What is it?” asked my father.

"She said it was dangerous for Sophie and we should go out again. What do you mean by dangerous?"

My father looked at the fire behind me carefully and said,

"Dangerous? It's always dangerous when she goes out on her own like this. She's a girl and it's always dangerous for the girls in our village to go out until the evening."

  

It seems he didn't understand me well.  But I will not press and ask more questions, it seems that no one will feed my curiosity.  So I decided to explore on my own.

  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

When my curiosity builds itself up in me, I begin to break it bit by bit in my own way.

Either by asking questions until I receive the answer I want (and of course this did not happen this time), or I try to find answers in other ways.  But I'm confused, my sister stopped going since last week after my mum decided that she is not allowed to leave the house alone anymore, so I can't keep an eye on her when she goes anywhere.

My brother will not answer me every time I ask him or when I try to take some information from him in an indirect way.

Sophie, like my mom, avoids me every time I try.  And here I am unable to do anything.

“What are you thinking?” Canela asked as we sat on the yellow grass in her little garden.

 

It is small but beautiful even in the fall.  There is a large tree in the middle that blocks the sun from anything below, like some white mushrooms speckled with black on its giant trunk, and the thorny herbs around it.  I put the paws of my hands on my face to hide my anger from her.

 

"I don't know... I'm really helpless!" I told her.

She put her hand on my back and started rubbing it in a circular motion, then said in a soft voice

"It's all right, maybe it really doesn't matter. So stop thinking about it and let's enjoy the late warmth of the sun, for winter is coming."

"I know this, maybe it doesn't matter, but a feeling inside me tells me the exact opposite. Every time I try to stop thinking about it, I find myself thinking about it more and more than I ever did."

 

"It seems that the situation is really serious."

She said questioningly, looking at the sky as I tried to clear my mind, staring at the clouds because there are few clouds today.

Some of them have no shapes and some are small compared to others.  Few of the birds fly in different groups, but in harmony, as if they are dancing.  I turned my face to the warm sun, closed my eyes, trying to think of something else.  I've never thought of anything that way in my life, perhaps because my mother's way of speaking to Sophie that day was so strange.

Or maybe because her eyes were talking more, there was something and feelings in them that I hadn't seen before.  She was more than scared..... she was more than worried, she was terrifying!

It was terrifying to me, especially when you stopped suddenly to see me standing with them in the room and listening to what you had to say.

What are you hiding from me and Sophie?  What scares her so much?  Am I agitated thinking?  Maybe she's just worried about my sister going alone.

  

I opened my eyes and looked at the far horizon and said,

"Maybe I shouldn't think too much, because it hurts my head. But I can't help myself because of that stupid feeling I have."

  

Canela laughed a little, but she didn't say anything.  I nodded a little understanding, then took two brown bread from the food basket, then put a little rose jam on them, and gave it to me.

  

"Don't worry, just let things go their way. And your thinking makes him tire of himself. Perhaps the reason for their quarrel is a secret that does not concern you. I am not saying this to make you more curious, but please try to forget and occupy yourself with something else."

 

She paused for a moment, then smiled brightly, then continued

"I really don't get why all the thinking...it's not like it's the biggest secret in the world, or it's such a dangerous secret. So just stop."

  

Canela is my only friend who I consider to be my twin sister.  We've known each other since we were kids. You can't speak yet.  I like to talk to her when I am upset or sad, she is good at making me forget quickly, and in improving my mood in every way.  You are always the first person to know everything that happens to me

I remember that she was the first person who knew of my first love and the first person to know that I left him.  She is the one who supports me and makes me feel that I am not alone.  That is why I came to her today to tell her about what happened last week between my sister and my mother.  Maybe my telling of her goes beyond the privacy of the home in the family, but I consider her a part of it.  I am not afraid to tell her anything, for I know that she will not tell anyone about my secrets and personal problems. 

A cool breeze began to move the blanket we were sitting on, and our hair to fly over our faces, blocking the view.  I looked at Canela trying to grab the lid and prevent it from touching the food and getting dirty.  At the same time, she tries to keep her long black hair off her calm face.  She has wide brown eyes and thick eyebrows, a nose wide from the bottom and slender from above, lips full of pink and her skin is soft, I like the color of her wheaten skin, although she always says that she is brown and not wheatish. 

Unlike me, who has white skin, green-yellow eyes similar to my mother's, and a small face.  I have drawn eyebrows but they are not as thick as Canela's.  My lips are medium in size but also full, my nose is normal and thin with a few freckles, I have light hair with slightly golden tufts that reach half of my back, I thought it was blond until I saw the hair of one of the village girls, who has very light blond hair, sometimes I see it  Like gold when sunlight hits it.

"What's wrong with you? Why are you looking at me like that? Is there something in my hair?"

Canela said with bewilderment in her voice.

I smiled at her and then moved to help her install the cover and shook my head saying:

"No, nothing, don't worry. I'm just glad you're by my side today."

Suddenly Canela put her hand on my forehead and then looked at me and said jokingly

"Looks like you're overheating, let's pack things up and head back inside, the air won't stop and it's getting too cold. I can't feel my nose anymore."

 

I nodded to her and then we started putting things back in the basket.