Lenka whistles in surprise when I tell her about Alexander and his bad memory in the toilet.

“Yeah, it’s strange that he doesn’t remember anything,” the friend mutters. Or pretending not to remember.

Why would he pretend? I wash my hands thoroughly and smooth my tousled hair.

Cheeks red, eyes shining. I drank a little, my heart felt better. Alcohol helps to forget. In general, I only like wine and champagne, but today I tried shots for the first time.

Who will understand these guys? Lenka sighs. She takes lipstick and mascara out of her purse to freshen up her makeup.

— No, Alex is not one of those who will pretend. He doesn't really remember anything. Not about my feelings, not about the diary over which he laughed so sincerely. Of course, because the drawings and poems of a girl in love are fucking funny! You will laugh!

Mick, fuck him. Stop shedding tears for this idiot. It’s better to pay attention to Makar, the guy really dries for you, Lena whispers confidentially.

We met Makar the day after I almost lost my innocence. My mood was crazy. I went to my favorite cafe, took a cappuccino, sat by the window and thought about how to quickly forget Alexander. It was then that Makar sat down next to me. He said he wants to meet a beautiful girl. He spoke compliments. And I was in such disarray that I accepted his courtship.

Makar asked how I signed up on social networks, and that evening he sent me a funny picture in direct. Two days later we went to the cinema, and yesterday we sat in the restaurant until closing time. I had a good time and confessed to my mom that I was on a date with a handsome guy. She advised me to invite him to her birthday party.

“Yes, Makar is wonderful,” I agree with my friend.

We've been at the club for an hour and a half now. Me, Lena, my classmates Sveta and Taya and, of course, Makar. I hope he is not bored in the girls' team.

“Then don’t slow down, Mikul,” Lena encourages. - Grab the bull by the horns. That is Makara for the causal place. It didn’t work out with one virginity to lose, so lose it with another!

I wince and shake my head. I don't like this kind of advice. I can hardly decide on this, although Makar is very good. Kind, considerate, funny, charismatic. He never crossed the line, did not try to kiss me after the second date.

- Do not talk rubbish. I won't sleep with someone I barely know.

- Yeah! Lena snorts. “Like you know your Alex.” Fell in love with the image and suffer for many years in a row.

A friend loves to give advice and teach. Sometimes it's downright annoying.

I return to the table and sit next to Makar. He doesn't look bored.

- What will you drink? he asks with a smile.

- Yes, don't care. I completely trust your choice.

A few minutes later, I gulp down the shot that Makar ordered. From the strength of alcohol, the breath intercepts, and in the chest it wildly burns and burns.

“Brrr, this is the first time I’ve tried this,” I shake my head in bewilderment. His throat constricts, and tears roll up to his eyes. I blink hard, breathe deeply.

“You don’t know how to drink at all,” Lenka neighs.

- Everything is fine? Taya asks solicitously, leaning towards me.

- Yes its better.

The head fogs up, alcohol penetrates the bloodstream and in a matter of seconds intoxicates the brain and body. It's like I'm falling out of reality. Looks like Makar is ordering another shot. Then Lenka calls us to dance, everyone agrees, except Taya. She is the right girl for us, she doesn’t drink alcohol, she doesn’t go to clubs either, only for me she agreed to come here.

I dance, completely surrendering to the music. I close my eyes, flashes of strobe lights blind me, and my ears are buzzing, as if I were under water. Strange sensations. At the same time, the body is light, free, and the lips stretch by themselves in a smile. I smoothly swing my hips, run my hands through my hair, bend. I live in the moment.

“Mika, we’ll go home,” Taya touches my elbow.

I open my eyes. When did Sveta leave the dance floor? I missed everything! But Lenka dances out and winks at me.

“I’ll guide you,” I say to the girls.

I glance at our table. Makar smiles at me, shows me a glass with multi-colored layers. One more shot. I don't know if I should continue drinking. I'm quite drunk already.

“Thank you for coming,” I hug Sveta, then Taya.

- Thank you for inviting me.

We'll meet the day after tomorrow at the university, we'll talk normally. They are cool girls. We are not close friends, but we communicate quite well. Sveta gave me a set of high-quality skin care cosmetics, and Taya gave me a certificate for attending a pottery master class. Both were right on target.

The girls are leaving, but for some time I stand on the street and breathe in the cool spring air. So good - words can not describe! No worries, worries, sad thoughts about a half-brother. I'm high, I don't want to go home!

- That's for me? - I check with Makar, returning to the table.- Yes. Will you? He hands me a multicolored layered shot.

“Everything is possible today,” I nod and knock over a caustic drink into myself. I cough hysterically, because this shot is even stronger than the previous ones. “God, is it for masochists?”

“No,” Lena laughs. - This is for people who know a lot about hard liquor.

Makar takes my hand and leads me to the dance floor. I'm awesome, I want to hug the whole world, kiss everyone who is resting in the club. And especially Makar. He is so cute. And he dances well. He has a charming smile, white-white teeth, probably often goes to the dentist. And his hands are beautiful. Not as pretty as Alex's, but still...

The fun is interrupted by missed calls from mom. I look at the screen and gasp in surprise. Two o'clock in the morning!

- Where are you going? Lenka shouts at me in the back.

- To the street. Talk to my mom.” I wave my phone and try to get up. It leads me: my legs stagger, circles appear before my eyes.

“I’ll help,” Makar responds immediately. He puts his arms around my waist, pulls me close to him with some kind of possessive movement and takes me out into the street.

“You smell good,” I remark. Makar has a citrus perfume, so weightless, airy.

“Thanks, of course,” he chuckles.

Moves away so as not to embarrass me during a telephone conversation. Mom has an excited voice.

“You promised you'd be back at midnight,” she reminds him gently.

- Walked around a bit. But everything is fine: Lenka and Makar are with me. We'll be breaking up soon. I'll take a taxi, don't worry. Better go to sleep.

- I'll wait for you.

- Don't, Mom. Well, really, I'm twenty-one already. I can call a taxi.

In the end, my mother agrees, but asks that I be sure to write to her when I sit in a taxi.

— Parents? Makar smiles with understanding.

- Yeah. Worried, - I sigh heavily. Words are difficult to select, the head does not cook. - But it's too late. I'll probably go home.

— How about another shot?

Makar comes close to me, takes my hand and looks into my eyes.

“Ah, there you are!” the drunk Lenka squeals.

I immediately take a step back. A friend swoops down on me, hugs me as if she wants to strangle me, and screams:

Mikul, I love you very much! You are the best friend in the world.

“It’s definitely time for us to go home,” I laugh. I turn to Makar: “Follow her, okay? I'll go pay the bill.

The amount is pretty decent, but what can you do. Once a year, you can spend a lot of money on a holiday. I photograph the bill so that in the morning I can see what kind of magic shots we drank. Their heads are still spinning.

Makar orders us all one taxi. Lena confesses her love to me all the way, praises the club and drinks, jokes on indecent topics. I'm even embarrassed, my friend is obviously going too far. But thank the gods, she lives closer than anyone.

Happy Holidays again, dear! Grab the bull by the horns, if you understand what I mean, - Lenka says goodbye.

- And where do you live? I turn to Makar.

- On the left coast.

- Wow! Bad luck to you.

“Come on, it’s a normal city there,” Makar smiles. And hugs me again.

Well, we meet for the third time, you can touch each other. But I still get stressed. And only the crazy concentration of alcohol in the blood keeps me from rash actions.

“We’ve arrived,” I announce joyfully when I see my stepfather’s house.

- I will accompany you.

My fingers do not obey me at all, so Makar manages to get out of the car, open the door for me and give me a hand. Another gentleman, just like Vasily Andreevich!

Thanks, but you don't have to follow me.

“I have to make sure you're okay.

I take my keys out of my purse and watch the gates slide open. Brake just incredible! Judging by the dark windows, mom is sleeping. It's good, I don't want her to see me so drunk.

“This is where I live,” I smile embarrassedly.

“I will remember,” Makar nods. - Thank you for a wonderful evening. I liked everything.

- Me too.

“And this is for you,” Makar takes a box out of his pocket and hands it to me.

Inside are cute earrings. I didn't expect a gift from him. We've only known each other for a week...

- Thanks. They are very beautiful,” I say softly.

- Not. You are very beautiful,” Makar lowers his voice.

He leans over. Slowly, letting me slip away. Which is what I use. Swaying awkwardly on my shoes, I kiss Makar on the cheek and pat him on the shoulder like a friend.

- Thanks again! I'll go ... Let's write, yes?

- Certainly. Good night Mika.

You can't tell from his voice whether he's upset or not. It seems to be all right. I go into the house, I flip the switch. I kick off my hated high-heeled shoes and exhaling with relief, I go to the kitchen. I turn on the coffee machine. Somehow, it seems that espresso will help me sober up a bit.

As soon as I take the first sip of an incredibly bitter and strong drink, I hear someone's steps. And no, this is not mom, she walks differently.

“I would also drink coffee,” Alexander says calmly.

My half-brother walks around the house in just his sweatpants.

And why the hell can he not sleep at three in the morning?Alex turns on the coffee machine, turns around, leans his hips on the countertop and looks at me mockingly. Studying. I'm so tipsy, and what's really there - frankly drunk, that his views do not bother me at all. I finish my bitter coffee, go to the sink to rinse the cup.

And I'm slipping out of the blue! My legs are tangled, I scream, but strong arms grab me, do not let me shamefully spread out on the floor.

“So, then you didn’t fall for real,” Alex sums up, holding me tightly by the shoulders.

“Excessive suspiciousness will not lead to good,” I grin. Insanely good in his hands and less dizzy.

- How much did you drink? Alex asks in a stern tone.

What are you, my mommy? Leave me alone, I strain to push my stepbrother away, but he lets me out first, and miraculously I stay on my feet. Shaking so hard, damn it.

I didn't know my sister was an alcoholic.

- I drank a few shots, there is nothing criminal in this.

- Shots are different. Are you completely clueless? You can hardly stand on your feet! he scolds me like a stupid girl.

- It's my birthday, remember? I snap my fingers in front of his face. You ruined my holiday anyway.

“What, may I ask?”

Alex folds his arms over his chest and stares at me. His face seems to turn to stone, but his eyes burn so that his mouth becomes dry. I remember this shine. The hungry look of a man who is aroused.

I dare and take a step towards him. If I fall, he will save me again, for some reason I am sure of it.

- You arranged an interrogation for me - this is the first time, - I begin to list, bending my fingers. - I did not understand the reasons for my act - these are two. Didn't give me anything for my birthday - three. And he taunted me all the time - four.

- The fourth point has nothing to do with reality.

“As you say,” I shake my head in disbelief. “Didn’t anyone tell you that it’s customary to give gifts on birthdays?” Mmm? Five years ago, you were much more attentive.

Then Alex handed me a brand new phone. Not the most sincere gift, but I was in seventh heaven with happiness. And until now, this smartphone is in my desk. I use it from time to time, I look at old photos, Alex is captured on them. He probably doesn't even know that I secretly filmed him. Young, beautiful, inaccessible.

“Stop being hysterical,” Alex grimaces.

But it carries me! In a drunken state, voicing claims is easy and simple, I don’t feel any mental confusion and doubts. Tomorrow I will regret what I said, but for now you can not think about anything.

“Even Makar, the guy I’ve only known for a week, so, even he prepared a present for me!”

I take out the box and poke it at Alex. I smile proudly, lift my chin and look at my stepbrother with a sense of superiority. Bite it! You are the loser in this battle.

“Cute,” Alex says through gritted teeth.

But he does not take the box and does not look inside. Only an eyebrow mockingly raises, as if to say - and that's it, are you trying to hurt me?

Again, he is smarter and cooler.

I toss the box on the table, turn on my heels and look at Alex again. Not a single muscle in his face twitches. Amazing exposure!

"You really don't remember anything?" I ask under the influence of alcohol.

— Yes, what are you talking about? Enough of these mysteries! Alex flares up. He grabs my shoulders and shakes me. Not much, but somehow it's a shame, or something. Like I'm a rag doll in his hands.

“Yellow notebook with my poems and drawings,” I whisper with dry lips. Why did you forget about her?

What the hell is a notebook?

- Which you turned page after page and whinnied. Ira showed it to you, my ex-girlfriend.

The confusion in Alex's eyes disappears. He remembered! I can see it in the dilated pupils and the way his expression changes.

- So what? Well, I laughed at some stupid jokes, what's the tragedy?

- Stupid jokes? My voice breaks, and my body is trembling.

So that's what my love confessions were for him! Just dumb jokes.

- Well, yes, some crap was drawn there, I smiled. I just didn’t understand why your girlfriends showed me this notebook.

- Stop! I place my hand on his bulging chest. — Crap? There were no verses? Didn't have my diary?

- Not. I wouldn't read other people's diaries,” Alex frowns.

So that's it! God, I just got wrapped around my finger. Ira showed me a video in which Alex flips through a yellow notebook, exactly the same as my diary! And in that short video, the half-brother laughed. I thought he was laughing at me.

Ira said that now Alex knows about my feelings and my love for him is just a stupid joke.

We then quarreled with her forever. She said that out of good intentions she showed my diary to Alex, and I could not forgive her for such a betrayal.It turns out that she gave Alex another notebook, not the one in which I turned my soul inside out.

But why did Ira do it? Why did you lie to me? Did you want me to be disappointed in my stepbrother? Maybe she herself was dying for Alex? Jealousy pushes people to crazy things.

“It's commendable that you don't read other people's diaries,” I say. Hysterical laughter breaks out of my chest, I laugh and brush away the tears that came to my eyes.

So what am I supposed to remember? And what about your diary?

I raise my head and look at Alex in a completely different way. He didn't know anything. He did not laugh at me, did not read those naive declarations of love. He still doesn't know about my feelings.

Now it is clear why he does not understand my motives.

- Do not mind it. I'm drunk and that's why I'm talking nonsense.

- It's clear. Let me take you to your room, otherwise you won't be able to climb the stairs yourself.

He takes a step back, and my hand involuntarily slides over his chest. Sparks flare at your fingertips. I take a shaky breath and feel only Alex. No admixture of sweet perfume. Only a sea shower gel and its special masculine scent.

“It’s strange that you stayed here overnight,” I voice my thoughts aloud.

Tomorrow is a family day, I don’t see anything strange in this.

He tenses up with his whole body, even his voice sounds different. I lick my lips and touch the steel press. I lower my eyes. Alex is excited. That lustful gleam was not a figment of my imagination. He really wants me.

“I liked it then… Almost everything,” I confess. “But you humiliated me in the end.

- What didn't you like? he inquires hoarsely.

Your desire to bring me to my knees. And the lack of normal foreplay.

I feel his muscular shoulders, move my palms up and wrap my arms around Alex's neck. I scratch the back of my head with my nails and bury my fingers in his hair. How I love touching it!

“Your lips would look like hell on my cock,” Alex says chokingly.

And tries to remove my hands. Open your arms.

I feel embarrassed again. He wants me, I see, I feel! The air is saturated with his lust, there is no escape from it, no escape.

“I’m not ready for such experiments yet,” I whisper.

Under alcohol, all my actions and words seem natural, correct, honest. Why hide something? I want to touch Alex, I want to kiss him, hug him, listen to his low, husky voice. And it's fucking okay!

“Let’s go to the bedroom,” Alex commands.

- To you? I raise my eyebrow. I know he means my room, but I tease him anyway.

- Not.

“You need to relax,” I smile. - And shave. Or should you not shave?

Thinking, I reach up and touch his stubble.

“It hurts,” I summarize with a quiet laugh. “But it suits you.

Alex makes a strange sound, more like a growl, and squeezes my hips with force. And then he bites into my lips with a hungry and some kind of distraught kiss.