The move back to the big city would be hard, she'd miss London, however Seattle is big place and she would probably never run him into in the big city - unless she went searching for him - which could happen but the outcome would be determined by her doctor.

Dear journal

It had been seventeen years since I last saw the famous Lukas Grayson. I heard from Natalie, my best friend that his married and has two kids. Oh, how time had change from the high school bad boy to the rich and famous CEO of a billion dollar company. I wonder if he still thinks of me, The way I think of him! - sometimes - however Crissy takes up all my time these days and I love her with all my heart and soul but I miss the male attraction, I miss someone being infatuated with me. Nico - he makes me happy but I swear he sees me only as his best friend.

Arghhh - Lord, please ease my mind and make this move bearable.

  

                             Em. Xx

Raising Cristina has being a blessing but every teenager has questions especially about who their fathers are, and even though she has told her daughter the only father she needs is the father above, it seems so hard when she knows her daughter isn't really connected with God as she is.

°°°°Emily's point of view°°°°

"Mom! Have you seen my BTS t-shirt " and that's my daughter Cristina Matthews, so much energy in a teenage girl but she's the light of my life and my saving grace in this dark cruel world, I'm glad that she is rather in love with a Korean boy-band and watches Japanese animation instead of going to parties, getting drunk, smoking weed and doing half of the things I had done at her age. My baby girl is the most beautiful, smart and talented girl I've ever met. I'm not just saying that because she's my daughter, I mean sometimes I fear that her smart mouth would get the best of her one day, like it did me. I'm moving back to the place I've been dreading from the moment I left it. I moved to London when my step-dad Andrew Elise died sixteen years ago, fortunately for me I inherited his million dollar media company. I'm dreading returning to Seattle for one and one reason only Lukas, but I have to return to for business as well. Ahh, kill me NOW!. I just hope you can and pray to God that I don't run into him again. After all these years I think those gray eyes could still make me melt. "Mom! Hello! Earth to Ms. Matthews! Have you seen my BTS t-shirt With Jungkook on" shit, she's upset. I've upset her because she can't find her sweater.

I look up at my little girl, her copper locks falling perfectly over her beautiful gray eyes - those eyes that have haunted  me since the day I met him - and every-time I close my own. "did you look upstairs, in guest bedroom where you've bench watching Naruto? baby girl" she shakes her head as a response and I .

She starts walking further up the staircase and turns towards me, "you know Google knows everything, Facebook knows everyone but mom knows were everything is " she laughs. I roll my eyes and shake my head - smart mouth indeed.

"found it!" she yelled from the top of staircase. "I'm gonna miss this place while we're gone, can we visit Aunt Natalie, I need new anime and she promised to bring me something from Asia!" she said, as she came down with her suitcase. "You know we're only going for three weeks right? You look like you'd be gone forever" I laughed, "well some of us needed to pack food" She commented. Gosh, this girl and food makes me bankrupt.

I'm gonna miss this place, London had become my home for the last sixteen and half years, Seattle has been long forgotten. Every has to come to an end eventually.

°°°°

The flight from London to Seattle was drainful - even though she hired a private jet, there was just a few things money couldn't buy and peace of mind was one of them. Emily stared at her sleeping daughter, Christina's whole life could be ruined, so many lives could be ruined if she contacted him. He had a life, he has a family, she's seen photographs of his loving family in every tabloid - her own media company has written a few articles about him. She shouldn't have come, this was wrong but only in Seattle will she receive the help she needs and she refuses to let go without a fight.

"pssst pssst" she tapped her daughter lightly on the shoulder, "mm" she responded, waking from her daze. "look out the window, welcome to Seattle Crissy. The place of dreams and nightmares. The plane will be landing soon and then we'll meet up Nicolas and we'd be staying with him at his condo for awhile or would you prefer a hotel?" Cristina stared at her mother, she had known from a very young age how much Nicolas Scott loved her mother and how much her mother has loved him but none of them did anything about it. They acted like teenages around each other, it was funny as a kid but it became awkward when she became a teenager. She loved her mom but the mom held on to ghosts and even though she has never met her real 'father', she knows that her mother must of loved him very much if she hasn't made an advance on Nicolas. "we could stay at Uncle Nico's for awhile and then maybe we get a hotel or we could stay at Aunt Natalie's or we could live in your apartment that you have here, you know the one you've had since high school -" before Cristina could finish the plane landed and Emily gathered there things, "I'll show you my old apartment tomorrow and maybe we could go to Nats as well but for now I think it's best we stay at Nico's". With that they got off the plane.

Yes, Seattle is a big place that held to many memories both good and bad.