* CURRENTLY

Nowadays. The next day after the party. It's 3 p.m. I've only been up for two hours. I allowed myself to sleep in today. I needed it. I came home late the day before and then I had once again slept badly. Even though I'm used to having shitty nights, my body can't always take it.

Almost every night I have dreams, or nightmares, of being raped and killed. Sometimes I dream that my mother learns the whole truth and throws me out of her house. Sometimes it's about everyone knowing and laughing at me. Every morning I wonder how it is possible that I lack the courage to commit suicide.

Mom: Here! It's Laila on the phone.

Me: Hello? Why are you calling my mom's phone?

Laila: Tsuip! You weren't supposed to call me when you got home yesterday?

Me: Ahhh! Sorry.

Laila: I got worried. This is not serious.

Me: When I got home my phone was dead. And I just sprawled on the bed without even putting it on the load.

Laila: Tsuip! It's normal that you spread out, wasn't your evening honeyed?

Me: Honey? With what ?

Laila: I know what happened yesterday huh. Handsome Wesley walked you home.

Me: In your dreams?

Laila: He himself told me a few minutes ago on the phone.

Me: Hmm!

Laila: The guy fell for you my friend. You can't even leave it!

Me: Say, leave that to me. He is too arrogant.

Laila: But apparently that's the kind you need. He told me he asked to see you again, did you refuse?

I do. I'm telling you that guy...

Laila: I made an appointment for you.

What me ??? You laugh ?

Laila: Not at all.

Me: Hmm! You're going to meet there yourself.

Laila: Hey! Roxanne, I swear you're gonna go. I will harass you like I never have.

Me: We'll see.

Laila: Yes.

Laila is cheeky huh. She makes an appointment for me without asking my opinion. It is the shame that will therefore catch him. She herself will know what she's going to say to Wesley when I don't come to her appointment. Exactly, it makes me think that she did not tell me where and when was the appointment. Even better. It won't be like I've been interested in this date, though I'll admit that a tiny part of me does want to see Wesley. This bad boy side pleases me. Nonsense knowing what the bad boys did to me.

5 p.m., I am watching TV in my room when I hear the doorbell ring. I don't hesitate to open because I know that mom is at the salon and that it's certainly for her. Laila didn't tell me she was coming. Apart from her, no one else visits me. Normal, I only have her as a friend.

Mom: Oh Roxanne! We are looking for you.

Who is this ? If it was Laila, mom wouldn't have called me. She would have come to my room immediately. I go down being a tad anxious. Who would pick me up at my house without telling me in advance?

Me : you ??

Wesley: Good evening Roxanne.

Wesley looks at me with an innocent, nice boy look. Who does he think he's fooling like this? What annoys me even more is that mom is watching us with a smirk. To avoid her also listening to our conversation, I decide to leave with Wesley on the veranda.

Me: What are you doing here?

Wesley: Laila told me I could pass. I...

Me: Sorry? I told you yesterday no.

Wesley: Okay I see. She wanted to force your hand.

Me: In that case you know that I don't intend to see you. You can leave now.

Wesley: No!

Me: Sorry?

Wesley: I refuse to leave.

Me: You are at my house here. Go away.

Wesley: No! Your mother is watching us.

Me: So what?

Wesley: She seems happy to see you with a boy. You on the other hand...

Me: It's none of your business.

Wesley: I'll kiss you.

What me ???

Wesley: I will, I swear. I love it when you're pissed off like that.

Me (sighing): What do you have to do for you to leave?

Wesley: Come have this ice cream with me. If you are bored, you will have the right never to see me again.

Me: It doesn't work with me.

Wesley: Alright, alright. It's just a Roxanne ice cream. Just an ice cream. I'm not asking you to let me... (whispers) have sex.

Me you...

Wesley: I'll kiss you.

I turn my head and I see mom who has thrown her head out the window. What is it even to do the nosy like that? Tsuip! So when Wesley leaves, she's going to pester me with questions.

Me: Okay, ice cream. But I warn you, if you say again that you will kiss me?

Wesley: Ok I'm not saying it anymore even though I really want to.

Me: 2nd warning!

Wesley and I are in a corner selling Ice Cream this other. We are waiting for our order to be brought to us. So far Wesley hasn't played his annoying hunk. He is even very calm, which is very surprising coming from him. He wants this meeting with me so much that he decided to stop with his inappropriate advances? I don't know why but it bothers me a bit.

To believe that his Casanova side appeals to me. Nope ! Nothing about him should please me. He is arrogant, ill-mannered and above all he is a man. That alone is enough for him to deserve no sympathy from me. Keep that in mind, Roxanne!

Me: Then why did you insist so much on having this appointment?

Wesley: Because I really like you. I think your desire to always want to play rough appeals to me.

Me: Hmm!

Wesley: Why are you doing this?

What me ?

Wesley: Why do you want to put yourself in a shell so much?

Me: This is not a game for me. I'm like that, that's all.

Wesley: I just figure there must be a specific reason for it. But hey, you don't have to be ready to share this with me.

Me: Indeed.

Wesley: So let's talk about something else. Are you your mother's only daughter?

I do.

Wesley: And your father? What is he doing ?

Me, I do not know.

Wesley: Hmmm!

My father. Another reason for my hatred towards men. Before he was the only man on this earth that I loved. He always knew how to comfort me. Even without knowing what was going on with Bradley, every night he brought me a little comfort. When mom was tough on me, he always covered for me. We were very close. But overnight, he left my life as if I had never mattered to him. As if I was nobody.

I was little, I did not understand why he left. Later I knew. Dad had dumped mom for another woman. This woman had eaten his brain so much that even her own daughter had denied it. I hate him almost as much as I hate Bradley and William.

Wesley: You don't know what your father does?

I do.

Wesley: You never knew him?

Me: Yes. But he doesn't live with us anymore.

Wesley: I know what it is. I also did not grow up with my father. Besides, I've never actually seen it.

Me: Really?

Wesley: Yes. He didn't take care of me. But for almost a year he has been trying to come back into my life.

Me: And what are you going to do?

Wesley: I think I'll agree to meet him. He says he will come to see me in July.

Me: Ok. At least you are trying to get into your life.

Wesley: Your father will come back I'm sure.

Me: No oh! Let him stay where he is. I don't want to deal with him anymore.

Wesley: You're angry. But everyone is entitled to mistakes.

Me: There's no point trying to convince me to forgive him.

Wesley: Alright. OK.

The discussion with Wesley is cordial. He listens to me, does not try to impose his opinion. I enjoy his company more and more. Which is not good for me. I have a bad feeling about Wesley. There's this thing that bothers me about him. Maybe I'm getting ideas; maybe I'm paranoid because of my lack of confidence in men.

Wesley: What else are you passionate about in life?

Me: Uh! I do not know.

Wesley: How? There must be something you like to do.

Me: Listen to music. There's something soothing about it.

Wesley: Oh that's right. What kind of music do you like? For me, it's mostly Old School.

Me: It's only commercial, no sense songs.

Wesley: So what do you like?

Me: Hmm! When I'm going to tell you, you're still going to look at me like an animal to be saved.

Wesley: I promise! I will not do it.

Me: I'm more attracted to anything sad. But hey, that doesn't mean that I can't listen to the songs where we talk about dancing and such.

Wesley: Ok I see. I would love to show you my music collection. I'm sure you'll love it.

Me: Really? Do you have many songs?

Wesley: A ton. I can play my music for more than a week I think.

Wesley and I talked for hours. It's been a long time since I've talked to a guy this much. Not since Jeffrey. The worst part is that he even managed to make me laugh several times. I feel that he is able to cheer me up. But usually when it does, I land on my head. And that's exactly what I want to avoid with Wesley. I think I have to keep running away from him.

To be continued.......