My happy hour with Riri the hairdresser went a lot better than I expected. She was young but much less like a vapid hooker than I anticipated. She could hold a conversation, and she had a charming, if naive, enthusiasm about life. She just wanted to have fun. She had some street smarts, but she wasn't jaded. And she was extremely receptive to me when I discreetly passed her $500 in a blank envelope when we sat down at the bar. I had even included a second envelope with $200 for her friend. No stone left unturned in the pursuit of pussy.

Riri was even more impressed when, after happy...