This day did not work out in the morning. For the first time in five years, she overslept at work, received a scolding from her boss for being late - a bald womanizer with a beer belly, dodged for the hundredth time and extremely politely rejected his harassment, and at the end of the day ran into a disgruntled client who ran into the office as if stung in the ass with claims that the installers from our company put the door askew on him. It turned out to be a many-hour test of my nervous system for strength.

At the moment, all I wanted was to get home, get moral compensation from the refrigerator - a salad of rice and crab sticks and a couple of varieties of ice cream from a stash, then plop down in my favorite chair and read an interesting book in an embrace with a warm cute cat.

Just don’t forget to turn off your mobile phone, because moralizing from my mother, who complained for a long time about my lack of a husband, fiancé and personal life in general, at my twenty-five years old, were traditionally tiring. As well as annoying calls from an ex-boyfriend with whom we broke up six months ago because of his wild jealousy, as well as her best friend Irka, whose favorite topic of conversation is all kinds of diets and the burning question of how I can eat anything and while not getting fat. Witch, definitely.

That's it, now I'll enter the entrance and turn on the hedgehog mode, leaving in the fog. Do not touch, do not turn over.

But, alas, these dreams were not destined to come true. First I saw how a piece of white plastic flew out from under my raincoat and plopped into a muddy puddle, and after a couple of seconds it dawned on me that it was my badge. I was so wrapped up in the office that I even forgot to take it off! And now it caught on the hem of the raincoat, broke away from the blouse - and now it cheerfully shines in the mud swamp. Parasite.

Sighing heavily, I stepped into the thick muck, bent down, picked up the escaped object, and thoughtfully turned it over in my hands. "Smirnova Alexandra Pavlovna, office manager of Mir Doors LLC." And what should I do with it now? I see that it is no longer possible to wash it. So, just in the furnace. Or in the trash can by the porch, as an option.

She took aim, threw the damaged thing into the urn. Missed. Damn, lucky like a drowned man... She came closer, bent down again, picked up her badge and corrected her oversight.

And then, fumbling in my pocket for the key to the intercom, I stared dumbfounded at the large strange drawing-symbol painted on the door. What is this rock painting? It looks like some kind of rune. Either the Celts have been here, or there is nothing else for teenagers to do. Little bastards…

Frowning disapprovingly, I opened the entrance to the entrance and headed into the darkness ... of another world.

I took a couple of steps in the pitch darkness when I heard the door slam shut behind me with the usual rattle. Another step - and I stumbled for something and epicly flew face down. But instead of the expected hard steps, the nose sank into something else. Soft, cool and moist, smelling of forest freshness. Brightened sharply.

Moss!!! I fell face down in orange moss!!! How is that even possible? Where I am? My heart pounded in fright, I got to my feet and looked around in shock.

Dear mother... Where am I? It's a forest! But very strange.

Before me lay an unearthly picture. The pink sun in a soft purple sky gently enveloped with its rays the crowns of tall trees with large triangular white leaves, against which, like blood stains, placers of fragrant berries were red. A fresh breeze carried the scent of strawberries to me.

Either I'm dreaming, or delusional, or ended up on another planet. Or in a strawberry paradise ... As it was with Griboedov - “went into a room, got into another” ...

I hope this is just a dream. Incredible, ridiculous, but somewhere in something even beautiful. I did not expect that I have such a wild imagination. Strawberries on a tree. Yes, I need treatment!

Or maybe it's someone's prank? What if all this splendor is just eerily realistic scenery and right now I am being filmed on a hidden camera?

So, Lexi, pull yourself together, we urgently need to understand what's what.

She pinched her hand. It hurts, however. But the effect is zero. She patted her cheeks. Invigorates, but the result is the same. She looked around again carefully. Only now I saw that the handbag was lying in the grass, a couple of meters from me. Okay, I'll pick it up later.

She fumbled in the pocket of her raincoat, fished out a mobile phone. There is no connection at all. Well, yes, Smirnova, and you were hoping that there was a cell tower within walking distance ...

The version of falling on another planet or in a parallel world was gaining more and more plausibility. So, stop panicking. Use your brains, Lexi, and think. Entering the entrance, I took two steps, then on the third I stumbled and fell. So, you need to try to take three steps back. What if there is some invisible portal that will bring me back?

But no matter how many steps I took - two, three, four, five and all ten, my throwing was useless. I stomped back and forth, waving my arms in the hope that I would see some kind of ripple in space. And these chaotic movements brought the same result. I have been noticed...

Everything went cold inside, and my heart sank when I saw a dark figure approaching me from behind the trees. At first I could not understand what kind of creature it was. Tall, broad-shouldered, wearing black trousers and a mid-thigh jacket. But at the same time with long blond hair. An effeminate man? Manly woman? Unclear. Like a man.

The creature walked straight at me and suddenly began to say something to me in a low, but rather pleasant voice, while pointing with indignant gestures at a handbag lying nearby.

Yes, everything is clear. A representative of the local branch of Greenpeace came to reprimand an impudent tourist for throwing garbage in a protected forest ... In what language will we justify ourselves, Lexi?

- Sprechen zi Deutsch? I blurted out the first thing that came to mind. Probably from shock, because for ten years at school I stubbornly, but unsuccessfully tried to learn English.

Strange, but it seems that my words produced the effect of an exploding bomb on the stranger. Or was it my appearance that had an effect on him?

Coming close to me, he was dumbfounded and stared at my face with rounded eyes. And I, in turn, on his ... Heavenly hedgehogs, it was an elf !!! The most authentic!!! Pointy ears, long blond hair, bottomless cornflower blue eyes, a delicately shaped mouth, a firm chin and a straight nose - he was just perfect! In addition, the black velvet camisole expressively emphasized the inflated muscles. I have never seen such beautiful men in my life...

Of the two of us, he was the first to come out of the stupor. Slowly and hesitantly, as if seeing a mirage in front of him, he raised his hand and gently, I would even say gently, ran his fingertips along my cheek, then over my nose and lips. I stood motionless, not at all understanding how to react to this. What if there is such a greeting here? Or is he half-blind and feeling my face to "see" it? Okay, let him continue his face research, I don’t feel sorry.

Well, in the meantime, I dared to reach out and touch what intrigued me the most: his hair, which shimmered with silver. As it turned out, they were incredibly soft to the touch and flowed between my fingers like liquid silk. Stunned…

- Uh-uh ... Mister elf! I would like to get home, - I hesitantly turned to him in pure Russian.

The shock in his eyes gradually gave way to thoughtfulness. Really understood?

But instead of answering, he suddenly pulled away and began to undress. First, a camisole flew onto the forest grass, then a snow-white shirt, trousers, boots, and now this miracle of nature is standing in front of me in what my mother gave birth to.

I got sick and started backing away. What the hell is he doing? I was lucky to run into a maniac ... Handsome and completely crazy. Yes, you are the lucky one of the year today, Lexi ...

His figure was great. The relief muscles and cubes on the stomach effectively shone in the rays of the setting sun, and any porn actor would envy the size of the organ between the legs.

But hot elven sex was not at all part of my evening plans. Well, no way.

My attempt to escape was thwarted in the bud. This arrogant fellow grabbed me, threw me to the ground and began to tear off my clothes, despite my desperate resistance, shouting “No!” and tears in the eyes. Methodically, meticulously and relentlessly. Cloak, blouse, skirt, boots - all this flew to the heap to his camisole, pants and shirt. Nylon tights obviously puzzled him, but in the end he coped with them too. Another couple of seconds - and I was lying in front of him completely naked.

There was no foreplay, no kissing, nothing. Knocked down, sectioned and seized. Everything is clear and methodical. Silently, without unnecessary emotions. To my surprise, it didn't hurt. But it's nice too. No "fire in the loins", as they like to describe in women's novels, and not the slightest excitement. When you feel the penetration and rhythmic movement of a large foreign object inside you, but your body does not react to it at all.

Fortunately, the elf did not last long: after a couple of minutes he twitched in sweet convulsions, moaned muffledly and sank exhaustedly, crushing him with a massive carcass. This big-eared goat came straight inside me… I frantically tried to figure out what day of my cycle it was today, but my brain was completely off. Well, you can console yourself with the fact that the child from this bastard will be beautiful.

And then something happened that shocked me even more. Rolling off me, this pointy-eared creature bit through the skin on my left wrist! Straight to the blood! And then he did the same with his own hand and pressed his wound against mine! No, are you sick?

So, what do we have in the bottom line? A torn blouse, a bitten arm, a possible pregnancy and a nasty feeling that I was fucked was used as a rubber doll. And a naked maniac elf at my side, who looks at me now, like Frodo at his charm. Brave new world...