Really, inwardly I am recoiling at the overpowering stench of his old man aftershave and the clammy sweaty feel of his suit as he pushes against me a little possessively. Luckily, I am a practised hand at convincing ugly men that I want them naked, sweating all over me and it’s as easy as breathing.

‘’I may just steal you as my date.’’ I squeeze his arm and nestle closer in a very touchy-feely gesture, smiling adoringly. ‘‘Seeing as you appreciate my finer qualities. Alexi likes to tease my English-ness mercilessly, don’t you Muffin?’’ I flutter sweetly his way seeing that cool mask of indifference envelop his face as he...