* abuse, suicidal thoughts *

After the twentieth lash I was completely numb to the pain of the whip. My back was ruined I just knew, beyond recognisable. I didn't cry though nor beg for mercy, I never begged for mercy.

I knew even if I were to survive this or the infections I'd most likely get afterwards I would never completely heal not physically and not emotionally or mentally.

I was facing away from Cadmer so I didn't see his awful face, I bet he was smiling. He would count loudly after each lash and sounded happier and happier after every one.

I don't even understand how one could...