“Idiot,” he hissed, and the net of flame disappeared.  The candles had melted to pools of wax on the graves.  I sat there, quivering in horror and staring at the singed spot on the pavement that could have been me.  Sighing heavily, he opened his palm and my cup came flying to him.  He set it down with a harsh thud and sneered.  “There, are you warm now?” he mocked.

“Yes,” I mumbled, frightened by his burning eyes.  “The candles...”

“What about them?”

“They- I wanted to see if they were reacting to your mood, or if I was imagining it...” I said, speaking to my lap.  No way was I going to confront his poisonous gaze.

“Look at me,” he said harshly.  Biting my lips, I obliged and immediately flinched.  He bared his fangs in a vicious sneer and, with mocking eyes, leaned closer over the table until he was inches from my face.  “Tell me, Callie Parker.  Am I the kind of man you want to offend?  Is your damnable curiosity worth inciting my wrath?”

“No,” I said through gritted teeth, feeling his hot breath on my neck.  Goosebumps rippled across my flesh and I was pinned motionless by his deathly stare, shadows cast by the dying candles making a caricature out of his face. 

“Then drink,” he hissed, forcing another cup of tea upon me.  I struggled to swallow, choking down the citrus-y liquid.  I put the cup down slowly, staring at my hands which quivered upon the table.

“Thank you,” I said curtly, rebellious spirit quashed by plain old fear. 

“Oh, pity, maggot.  It seems your idiocy has burned my poor candles to stubs,” he observed.  “I'll have to melt the fat from your bones to make new ones.”

“That sounds pleasant,” I said, lightheaded.

“Oh, indeed.  But human fat does stink like the Devil's ass.”

I nodded, blocking out the stream of horrors that poured forth from his mouth.  As his hellish musings continued, the candles sizzled to nothing, and at last the final flame winked out of existence.  I was left in total blackness- there were no stars above this strange place, no moon to light the court.  Only those crimson eyes, staring horrifically back at me. 

“I said, what did you think, Callie?”

“What?” I asked, trembling.

“I was asking whether you'd prefer your bones be made into furniture or chew toys for my dog.  Cerberus does relish sucking the marrow from maiden's bones,” he said genially, as if discussing which wallpaper pattern he should choose.

“Actually, I think I'd like it best if they stayed inside my body.”

“Not an option.  I never let a corpse go to waste.  If anything, you'll become carrion for my crows.”

“Why are you doing this?  You said I'd come to no harm!”

“That was before you insulted my hospitality.”

“I- I didn't mean to,” I mumbled.

He looked at me as if I were so dumb I made stupidity look smart.  “Somehow, I find that difficult to believe.”

“Fine, but I didn't mean to make you angry.  I was just...”

“Testing me?  Seeing how far you could go before I snapped?”

“No! Yes.  Wait, what do you mean?”

“Enough of this.  Despite appearances of intelligence, you are dim beyond belief.”

I scoffed.  “You're extremely rude.  Did you know that?  If you really were being hospitable, you wouldn't demean me and threaten my life.  So I don't need to behave like a guest. I was never a guest to begin with.”

“So your crass behavior is excusable?” he said wryly.

I crossed my arms in defiance.  “Yes, in fact, it is.  Now could you please just let me go?  All I'm asking for is to be dropped back off in my woods- wherever's most convenient for you.”

“And why should I do that?”

“I'm not enjoying your company, you're clearly not enjoying mine, and the night's certainly not getting any younger.”

He paused, settling back down on his stump as the anger drained from his face.  “How could you possibly judge an evening this early?”

I balked.  “It's at least 3 AM- that's what I'd call a middle-aged night.  Definitely not a young one.”

“Time flows differently here.”

“Of course it does,” I sighed.  I buried my head in my arms.  “Just like everything else in this stupid place.”

“There there, don't cry,” he said mockingly.  I glared at him, rising from the stump and walking off towards the carriage. 

“I've had enough,” I snapped.  The horse, head hung in slumber, grunted as I approached.  I untied his reins and climbed into the coach seat.  I whipping the reins like I'd seen in movies, expecting the horse to take off, or at least budge.  Instead, he twisted his neck back,  grabbed it in his teeth and yanked until it snapped.  He spat the broken end back at me and, huffed, then promptly fell asleep.

“Yes, definitely dim beyond my worst imaginings,” Corpseboy observed, sipping the remainder of his tea. 

I slumped back in the seat, groaning.  “God, I'm just gonna be left here to rot, aren't I?  You're Death.  You go after dead people.  What do you want with me?”

He crushed the silver cup.  It dented under his hands.   “You called me, ungrateful worm.  All the unkindness I've shown you was provoked.  You should know by now; it's unwise to anger me.”

“I thought you'd already decided I was idiotic,” I shot back.  “Why would you expect anything different?”

He paused, opened his mouth to speak, then fell silent.  “I- devil damn it, you have a point, however much it pains me to admit it.”  With that, he mounted the horse and led us off down the path.  I fell back in the chair as the hearse rolled along.  “I'm usually much pleasanter after tea-time, but you've managed to ruin.  You certainly are remarkable.”

“That's a pathetic compliment.”

“Impress me, then.  Show me your sparkling wit, or sing to me with the voice of an angel.  I'm all ears.”

I cringed.  “Me, sing?  Only if you want your eardrums to liquify.”

“That's the usual reaction I get.  I never was one to follow the choirs.”  He whistled a show tune off-key.  “See, there's something we have in common, despite the fact that I'm an all-powerful being and you're just a fleshy water-bag.”

“Fleshy water-bag?”

“Yes.  But you're not too hideous.  Some humans are obscene, usually the men.  All hairy and ill-proportioned.  I do have a rather carnal appreciation for women, though.”

“You don't know how happy I am for you,” I said drily.  We rounded a corner as the path behind us disappeared.  New trees appeared out of nowhere.  I did a double-take, shaking my head at the massive trunks that now hid the ghastly court.  Chances were they had creepy wood nymphs holed up inside them, too.

“Oh, you still disgust me,” he teased.  “But it's your stupidity, not your looks.”

I stuck out my tongue at his back, then settled into the coach seat dejectedly.  “Where are you taking me now?”

“Where I originally planned to go before I realized we were skipping tea.  I have certain... family matters to attend to.”

“And how does this involve me?”

“It doesn't.  I'll deal with you later.”

I wondered what business he could possibly be up to.  Pizza delivery?  Did Death have a side job to make a little extra cash?  The woods began to thin, turning to birch and saplings, then finally a dusky field that seemed to stretch on for eternity.  It was a bluish sea of herbs, brambles, and rolling grass, stunted by ominous boulders and lonely trees.  The horse came to life in the open environment.  Picking up pace, he neighed.  I clung to the seat as the hearse sped up. 

Corpseboy seemed to be enjoying himself, back arched and hands spread to welcome the wind.  “Hold on, little mortal!” Samael called.

“What- ah!” I screamed in terror.  Two monstrously large blue-black wings burst from his shoulder blades.  He laughed at my horror, suddenly dropping the horse's reins and unsaddling him.  Death grabbed the lead.