Cassie

"Are you the leader of the Italian mafia?!" I screamed, totally out of my mind.

Who the hell did I marry? Who the hell did I mess with?

All the warnings were there in front of my eyes the whole time, but I never wanted to see them.

I had him in front of me and I couldn't imagine that he was lying to me all this time. I fixed my eyes on him; they wanted to discover more of what he had hidden in his mind, but it was not possible. But I could see the guilt with which he looked at me. I always knew he had something hidden that he didn't want people to know, but I never thought he would be such a wanted mobster by the police. They talked him about a lot on television, as they persecuted him for issuing orders to his thugs to commit horrible crimes. Who was I married to? I didn't recognize the man in front of me. Rather, I never knew him as I thought I did.

I was beyond disappointed and hurt by everything he had done. Memories appeared in my mind, one after another, hitting me, and hurting me. When you looked at Chris, you could see that he had darkness in his eyes and an impressive attractiveness, but you would never think that as idiotic as he could be, he was heading the greatest leader of the Italian mafia. We had barely married two months ago, after a few months of knowing each other and losing each other in what was our magical love, as we called him, and had he already found a great reason to ask for a divorce?

I imagined myself leaving the papers on her desk and demanding that she sign them so that we could put an end to our love once and for all. My heart was choking and my chest sank into the sadness of just imagining that everything we dreamed of having and being, had all ended from one moment to the next. I had suspicions that something bad was going on with him, that something wasn't telling me because he didn't want me to know, but I wouldn't have imagined something like that. The news city of Miami talked all the time that they were looking for a billionaire mobster and that they even gave a reward of three million dollars to whoever gave some accurate information, and ten million dollars to whoever could tell where that person was. The government gave that kind of money to find Chris. To my husband... My damn husband!

How come a twenty-three-year-old boy was such a wanted by the Italian authorities?

"I know what you're thinking, but I want you to let me explain everything that's going on, Cassandra.”

"What the hell do you have to explain to me?! How are you going to be able to explain something like that? Nothing I say will stop me from seeing you the way I see you now, Chris!”

"I lied to you, I know. It wasn't right, but let me explain. I had no choice, Cassandra.”

"Stop saying my name!”

Worst of all, I was expecting a child, and he didn't have the slightest idea about it. And I knew it recently. Three days, to be exact, but I didn't know how to tell Chris because he told me many times he didn't want to have kids. How difficult everything has become for us in such a short time. But I was sure that, even if it wasn't the right thing to do morally, it was the best thing for Chris not to know anything that we were going to have a child, because I didn't want such a father for my son. I would take my money, stop investing it in Chris's family's multimillion-dollar company, and go somewhere else in this world that he couldn't find me in. I didn't want to hear from him again. Once I had the paper of our divorce signed, all this was going to remain as a dark stain on my past. And he would never hear from me again, and he would never know of our son's existence.

I noticed him approaching a couple of steps towards me, but I stretched my arm so that he would stay still in place and not get any closer to me. I didn't want to have him around. I could hardly look at him, for in his eyes I saw the boy I fell madly in love with, the boy I had my first time with, the boy I wanted to marry. His eyes were like a screen that showed me our whole story, but that story was a farce, because the magical love that we claimed to have, had nothing magical. He had only darkness, deceit, and lies. The only thing I needed to want to kill him was to find out that he had ever been unfaithful.

"Let me talk to you.”

"Don't think of approaching me!" I yelled at him.

He scared me. I was terrified to have him around. What if he did something to me? He always told me he could harm no kind, but that was the Chris I thought I knew in that cemetery, the day my parents died in that plane crash when they were traveling to Italy to solve some business matters.

"I will not hurt you, I just want you to give me a chance to explain things to you. It's not like you think all this is.”

"And how do I think it is? Tell me how things are, then. Because you don't get a single idea of how stained your image is in my head right now. You've let me down like I never thought you'd do, Chris. I knew you had an idiotic attitude when I first met you, but I didn't think you could be so cruel to people. I know you've sent people killed.”

"I didn't want to be this person, but I had to because I had no choice but to do this, Cassandra. You don't know how sorry I feel every day about the atrocities I must do, but it's the duty.”

I couldn't believe it.

Our marriage was completely ruined.

"I can't believe you're calling for owe to something like this.”

"I have sent no one to kill who didn't deserve it. All those people were bad, they were monsters.”

"But if you are also a monster! Do you think you are a vigilante? Do you think you may make other people pay for what they do? You're not a police officer, you're not a judge, you're not good.”

I knew what I was saying to Chris was harsh, but he had to listen to my every word. And he deserved me to be cruel to my words so that he could understand the magnitude of the matter. This was not something of little importance, we were talking about something very serious; we were talking about the Italian mafia.

I married the Italian mafia boss.

Who would say?

"Nothing I tell you is going to change your mind about me, and I'm so sorry for that," He ignored what I told him about not walking toward me and did it anyway. He knelt before me and wrapped my legs with his arms so I wouldn't leave. I'm so sorry, Cassandra. I wish things had been different.

"You're a liar," tears fell.

Before I didn't even feel like crying because I had found myself in an impressive state of shock. It's that I didn't believe what was happening. But now, my heart kept beating irregularly, and that feeling of weakness was surrounding my body, threatening to make me fall to the ground. My pressure had gone down and my tears were streaming down my eyes.

And Chris, the boy I only once saw crying months ago, dropped a tear down his cheeks.

"Don't leave me, I beg you.”

"It's half late for you to tell me that. You would have thought about it before you got into the mafia. You would have thought that this desire of yours to be a vigilante would bring you problems in other areas of your life. You're a mess, Chris.”

"Don't tell me that, please. I beg you, Cassandra, don't leave me. I love you.

And I loved him too much, too. With all my heart. But I couldn't be with him pretending he knew nothing about the mob or pretending he was okay with this because it went against my values. I would disappoint my parents in me if they saw me in that situation.

Reflexively, I wanted to touch my belly to hold on to my baby. Today, this baby was my source of power, my source of hope, and my strength. I wanted to be a mom so much, that even though today I felt like the world was falling apart, I was going to do everything I could go get ahead and raise this baby by myself. I didn't want to know anything about Chris. I loved him so much that he burned my chest, and my heart squeezed at the thought of me having to leave him, but now it was not me alone: my son lived in my body, and I could not allow his father to be around him, knowing how bad he was. Because no, Chris wasn't a good person.

"You make me sad. You're very smart, but you're a bad person. One of these days, your conscience will fall upon you and make you mourn for each of your sins, and I swear that on that day, you will remember me and know that I was right. Guilt will eat away at you. And I won't stay here and see how that happens.”

I wanted to remove his arms from my legs, but even though he wasn't hurting me, he was pushing hard so I couldn't get him off.

"Don't leave me, I beg you. I love you.”

I shed more tears.

"Please, please," he pleaded again. I never thought I would see Chris begging for anything.

"Enough! Let me! I don't want you to touch me!”

"You're the person I love the most in this entire world, you can't leave me. You make my world feel complete. What will I do if you let me? I don't want to miss you, Cassandra. I don't want to be away from you. I want to give you the entire world, I want to make you happy and live for the rest of my days with you. Don't abandon me," he kept asking.

And boy did those please weigh heavily right now. However, as much as my desires asked me to hug him because it broke my heart to see him like this, I had to be strong and not let myself be decayed by the feeling of sorrow or pity. I loved him, yes, but I couldn't allow my son to have a life with such a father. It was time to leave, time to say goodbye.

"That's how you wanted it. You lied to me from the get-go.”

"No, it's not. I never wanted to. I put this weight on my shoulders and I couldn't say no, understand?”

"No, and I don't want to understand anything. Do whatever you want, Chris. But I can't be in your life anymore.”

"Tell me, tell the police I'm the boss, do what you want, rummage me, I deserve it. But I don't want you to leave me. That's worse torture than anything else.”

I have to admit that, in part, I was glad that he was like this, kneeling before me, pleading with me, crying at me. Not because of ego, but because of the rage I had inside. I was shocked and so angry and disappointed in my husband that I couldn't help but enjoy how bad he felt because that's how bad I felt.

"Ours is over forever, Chris. I can't be with you anymore. You're hurting me.”

"No!”

"You wanted it that way!" I tried to get rid of his grip, but he don't let me.

"I did it for the sake of the people, for your sake! I promised your parents!” he confessed, and that left me even more confused.

My parents? What did my parents have to do with it?

"What are you talking about?"

"Your father was the real boss of the mafia until he died. I inherited his position because he was The Consigliere.”