I have to fight tears all the way to my car. Then the second I climb into the driver's seat and shut the door; it is like a fucking flood gate has opened. Tears are coming and they will not go away.

I want her so badly. Why in all of holy hell did I let myself come to see her today? Why did I not ring Manuel or Knox for her number so they could convince me this was a bad idea?!

Why did I not turn and go home when I began to have doubts?! Why, why, why, why, why and fucking why again?! So many whys and...