Chapter6

Eva sat waiting patiently at a hidden gem of a restaurant a few streets away from her apartment. She had managed to get the best table in the place for her lunch visit with Jamie. Jamie was a little late coming in, her arms waving with excitement as she rushed to the table to get to Eva.

They hugged each other tightly and sat down across from one another. Eva pulled a gift bag from the seat beside her and handed it over the table to Jamie.

“All your goodies from the island!” she exclaimed happily as she thrilled at seeing Jamie’s eyes light up. Her friend went through the bag pulling one thing out after another, ooing and ahhing with each new little gift.

“You didn’t have to spoil me rotten, but I’m so glad that you did! Thank you so much!” When she reached the bottom of the bag, she vaulted up and rushed around the table to Eva to hug her and squeal over how much she had been treated to.

When she had finally sat back down, Eva grinned at her and felt a sense of relief in sitting there with her. There was something enormously comforting in getting back to some semblance of their old routine and meeting up for lunch. They had done it a lot more often when they were both in school, but when Eva had graduated and left Jamie behind to finish her studies alone, their regular lunch dates had slipped away, replaced with sporadic and occasional visits and more regular phone calls.

Actually spending time with her made Eva feel as though things were a little bit more like they should be rather than what they had become. Jamie was buzzing happily about what she had been given by Eva, but she held her hands up and stopped Eva when Eva tried to turn the conversation to her.

“I want to hear about the trip! Dish, girl! There’s so much I don’t know, and you have to tell me! What’s going on? What happened?” Jamie pressed adamantly.

With a sigh, Eva’s shoulders drooped, and she bit at her lower lip, eyeing her best friend carefully. “Well, there’s been a little bit of a change… some unexpected things have happened.”

Jamie’s mouth fell open a little bit. “What things? What happened? You said that the two of you had a fantastic time on the island! What changed?”

Eva lifted her hand up and rubbed her temple on one side of her head as she grimaced. “Well… if I’m being totally honest with you… he’s engaged,” she said quietly.

Jamie gaped, and her eyes went so wide that they were more white than dark brown. A hushed gasp escaped her, and she touched her fingertips to her mouth as if to hush herself from a loud reaction. “No…” she whispered. “That…. that can’t be…”

Eva sighed. “Yeah, it can be. It’s kind of crazy how it all happened, really. I didn’t even know she was around before now. He doesn’t get calls from her, he doesn’t talk about her, they don’t do anything together, and they live apart. It’s the strangest thing I’ve ever seen. He’s not in love with her or anything. I guess his father and her father have been friends forever, and his father wanted him to marry her so that their families would be together, but then his dad died, and now he’s left with all this guilt and this ‘legacy marriage’ that he’s supposed to have in order to fulfill his father’s big dying request. I guess her dad is anxious for it to happen, too. He was in on it all along.”

Jamie tilted her head a little as her eyes narrowed suspiciously. “Was he engaged while you two were in the Bahamas?”

Eva didn’t speak, she only nodded slightly, until her voice sounded, but it was quiet when she did. “He was. I know he should have told me. I wouldn’t have done with him what we did if I had known that he was engaged to marry someone else. Unfortunately, he didn’t think to mention it because he said he doesn’t really feel engaged… he doesn’t think of her that way. It’s basically a business deal for him, and there’s no romance at all for him, as far as he’s concerned. He’s just doing it to fulfill his dad’s wishes, and they didn’t even talk about it until right before the trip. They weren’t even dating then. They were just friends, and then he had to ask her to marry him.”

Jamie frowned sharply. “You think that makes this okay? You think he can just conveniently forget to tell you that he asked another woman to spend the rest of his life with him as his wife right before he goes on vacation with you on a tropical island? No way, sister! No way! That’s wrong. That’s like a hundred different levels of wrong! I can’t even believe he did that! And you! You… poor thing, so attracted to him, and he knows it, and it feeds his massive pig-headed ego, and you’re trapped there because what are you going to do, tell him no? No, you wouldn’t. You’re working for him. He’s signing your paychecks. Of course you’re going to go with whatever he wants to do; this is the best job you’ve ever had, and he knows how much you want him! You’re the easiest game he’s ever played! What are you thinking?”

Eva knitted her brow. “I’m thinking that I’m an adult woman who knows what she wants, and who can make her own choices about her life and what she does with her life. I’m thinking that he’s been honest about it all, he doesn’t love her, he doesn’t want her, and he’s stuck marrying her because of his father. Hell, for all I know, I’m the last good time he’s ever going to have for the rest of his life!”

“Yeah right!” Jamie scowled. “Because he’d never cheat on his wife again the way he cheated on her during their brand new engagement! His morals are better than that! He’d never do anything like it again, I’m sure! Once with you was enough for him!” She frowned and leveled her eyes at Eva.

“Did you sleep with him after you found out that he was engaged to this Miss What’sHisDaughter woman?” Her voice was low and filled with disgust.

Eva knew she had it coming. She’d done something that she never should have. “Yes, I did. Actually, right after I found out about her and he told me the whole story about how he became engaged to her. It happened in his office, and I don’t regret it. We both said that it was the last time, and we both meant it. It’s strictly business from here on out. No other shenanigans. Straight down the line.”

Jamie shook her head slowly in disbelief. “Right. Straight down the line, my foot. You like him. In fact,” she leaned forward and pointed her finger at her best friend with an accusatory edge, “I think you like him so much that you might even love him! Do you? Do you love him?!” she snapped as lines formed downward from her mouth.

Eva looked away from her. She couldn’t speak for a moment. She was too busy digesting what Jamie had accused her of. She knew that her best friend wasn’t wrong. No one knew her as well as Jamie. No one had been privy to the secrets of her life the way that Jamie had. She was stuck, and she knew it. Quietly, she spoke, answering Jamie’s accusation, and she turned and raised her eyes to meet her friend’s.

“You know what… you’re right. I wish I could say that you weren’t right, but I know you are. I do care about him. I care about him a lot. I love the way he smiles and laughs; I love the way he watches me, like when I walk into the room the rest of the whole universe just falls away. I love the way that he treats me; he has so much faith in me, he trusts me, and he believes in me. I love the way that he loves to spoil me and surprise me. Do you know he even made me a scrambled egg breakfast the first morning we were on the island? He did… that billionaire got up out of our bed and went into the kitchen, and I thought he was making coffee. He didn’t just make coffee. He made an entire breakfast for us. I matter to him in so many ways, and I know that because he makes sure that I know it. Because he treats me like I matter to him in all of those ways, all the time, and I don’t want to give that up. Ever… if I’m being totally honest. I never want to give it up.”

“Well, you’re going to have to because he’s going to spend the rest of his life with another woman,” Jamie replied dryly. “I’m not trying to pee in your Cheerios, but you have to face facts. You have to face the truth, Eva. If you meant half as much to him as you say you do, half as much as you believe that you do, he wouldn’t be engaged to anyone else. He’d be with you. Did he break that engagement off?” she demanded.

Eva shook her head. His reasoning was logical in her mind, but it did nothing to still the sad stirring in her heart. “No. He didn’t. He said that he has to do it. He feels compelled to do it because it’s what his father wanted him to do.”

Jamie pointed her red tapered nail toward Eva, a serious look darkening her face. “He’s a grown man, Eva, and he has a choice about whom he’s with. He doesn’t have to marry her. If he was really into you, he would not try to have you both. He’s using you. That’s all there is to it. He’s been using you, and he’s marrying her, and that should be enough to make you totally forget about him.”

Leaning back against the booth seat, Eva’s shoulders slumped some, and she pursed her lips for a moment. “I know that. I know it. It is over between us. We just had one last… time together. We both swore that that was it and that there wasn’t going to be anything else. We mean it. I’m not upset that we did anything, and I don’t regret it. I’d have done it again just the same if I had known because I know he doesn’t love her or even want her. It’s a business transaction. He cares for me. I know he does, and I care for him. We just… aren’t lucky with the timing.”

“No!” Jamie shook her head. “Honey, that’s not it at all. He was already engaged to her, and he had an affair with you anyway! That’s using you. I think you need to try to get over him. You have to. He’s going to marry her, and what are you going to do? Keep working for him and carry a torch for a married man who was willing to cheat on his fiancé with his secretary? That’s not the kind of man you want to be with. You need to be with a guy who puts you first, who cares about you, who makes you the biggest priority of his life, and who wants you just as muc

h as you want him. That’s who you need to be with, and you need to let this jackass go. That’s no place for your head and your heart to go. You’re going to wind up with a broken heart and no one to blame but yourself if you’re willing to let it go any further. Think about that, and make yourself and your heart a priority.”

Eva turned and looked out of the window and the clouds set against the beautiful blue sky outside. “I know you’re right. I know what I have to do, but I don’t know if I can do it because I do care about him. I think I’m falling for him. I can’t stop thinking about him, I can’t stop wanting to be around him, and now I can’t stop wishing that he was with me just about all the time. You’re right. I know you’re right, and if I’m not careful, I will wind up being brokenhearted.”

Eva took a long drink of her coffee and set the cup down thoughtfully.

Jamie sighed and sat back in her own seat, her tirade done. “Well, at least you know what you’re getting into. Are you going to stay there and work for him, even after he marries her?”

Eva hadn’t thought about it. She hadn’t given any thought at all to what it might be like to work for him after he got married, having just had a torrid and steaming affair with him, which she still hadn’t cooled off from. “I don’t know. I guess so. I want to stay there; he’s a great boss, and it’s a fantastic job, and I wouldn’t want to leave. I’d want to stay there for as long as I can… if it’s not too taxing on my heart. I think I’ll be okay. I just have to get my feelings all sorted out… you know, get rid of the crush on him. We’ll be fine. We get along amazingly. I hope it’ll be alright. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to lose my incredible apartment, and I would never be able to afford it without this job. I better get it figured out. I’ll be okay.”

Jamie stared at her and began to shake her head slowly. “Sure you will,” she said in a quiet voice. “I’m not trying to depress you or anything, but it seems like all of these things needed to be said. You have to think about them and consider what is coming down the road for you.”

“I know what you mean, and I know what you’re doing and why. I know it’s because you love me. I love you, too. I appreciate it, I do… it’s just not easy to hear, and it’s even harder to try to think about. It’ll work out. It has to,” Eva answered with a somber expression.

“Well, enough about that. Let me get you all caught up on what’s going on at school!” Jamie told her with a smile and a new light in her eyes. She was a good one for a conversation distraction when things got awkward, and she tried to steer the conversation in another direction.

They visited for a long while, and neither of them mentioned Derrick again, but he stayed on Eva’s mind all through the visit and long after it, all through the evening into the moments when Eva was trying to fall asleep on her pillow. The thoughts stayed with her as she dreamed, and when dawn woke her the next morning, everything that Jamie had said was still on her mind.

The phone rang at Eva’s desk early one morning, and she picked it up, answering it the way that she always did. She smiled to herself when she heard Derrick’s voice on the other end of the line.

“Eva, good morning.” She could hear him smiling back through the phone at her, and she felt the ever familiar rush of delight that moved through her when he spoke to her. “I’m sorry to surprise you with this, but the three p.m. meeting we had scheduled for this afternoon rescheduled, and we’re going to have to go to New Jersey right away this morning. I’m having the driver stop by the office to pick you up. Would you please come down to the car?” he asked, though it wasn’t really optional.

“Of course!” I’ll be right down,” she replied pleasantly. She had promised herself that it didn’t matter that they were no longer going to have their affair, that she was not going to let any jealousy or sadness into her heart, nothing negative to take over all of the joy and happiness that had he had brought to her since she had met him.

Gathering her things, she went to the main floor and walked outside just as the limousine was pulling up to the curb. The driver opened the door, and she slid into the back seat, sitting beside Derrick on the wide leather seat. Her breath caught as she looked over at Derrick and saw him staring at her.

He looked as sexy as he always did in his crisp suit, with his silken tie and vest, his hair mostly in place, though slightly tousled around the front. His eyes locked on her, and she felt as if they were penetrating her to the core; he looked as if she had caught him off guard.

“What is it?” she asked, tipping her head as she reached down to smooth the navy blue silk of her skirt over the middle of her thigh.

He shook his head slowly as his eyes drifted over her figure. “You wore that dress when we had the meeting with Preston Holdings,” he said quietly.

Eva was surprised and glanced down at her dress as he spoke. It had a V-neck and a tapered waist, with a kind of loose sort of pencil skirt that came to the middle of her thighs. She loved the color of the silk, and more than that, she loved the feel of it on her and the way that it clung to her in all the right places without overtly revealing too much of her skin, though it still hinted heavily at the figure that was hidden just beneath it.

“I wore this to that meeting?” she asked, not remembering it at first. “Oh… that’s right. I guess I did. I hadn’t given it too much thought. How sweet of you to remember!” She laughed softly and reached over to pat his hand.

His eyes stayed on her. “I remembered because I could barely focus on the meeting. All that I could think about is that dress… the way it looks on you… the hints of your skin that show in some places…” His eyes dropped to her breasts, and she felt blood begin to rush through her as her nipples hardened, remembering his touch and beginning to ache for it.

“It was all I could do to focus on Preston at that meeting instead of you. All I wanted was to…” he drifted off and looked back up at her face again. “I’m sorry. I know that we said we weren’t going to be like that with each other anymore. I forget sometimes. I can’t stop my mind from thinking about you, from wishing that we could…” He shook his head and looked away from her, facing straight forward. “I’m sorry. It’s difficult. I didn’t realize just how difficult it would be.”

She nodded and closed her fingers in his. “I know how you feel. I thought it would be easy, too, but it’s like this for me as well when I see you. I still want you just as much as I did before. That hasn’t changed. I still wish that we could… be close,” she whispered, and he turned to look back at her. There was a smoldering fire in his eyes and firmness to his jaw where he was clenching it.

“I won’t hurt you like that,” he said adamantly.

She reached her hand to his cheek and cupped her palm around it. “I know you wouldn’t hurt me on purpose, but if I’m being honest with us both, then I have to admit that it hurts because we can’t touch or kiss or love each other the way we have. Either way, it hurts. It’s just that this way, without being together, it hurts without the pleasure mixed in. It hurts because I can’t have you, and you can’t have me, and yet we both still want each other so very much. That is the most painful… because we can’t have one another, not because we have had one another.” She gave him a half-smile, and she saw that he was struggling internally with his emotions.

They were perfectly still for a moment, and he leaned close to her, his nose nearly touching hers, his mouth only a breath away from hers. “You have no idea just how much I miss having you with me, and how much I wish that I could have you all the time; everything about you makes me miss you, makes me with that you were mine. Your scent, the soft feel of your skin, your beautiful brown eyes, your sweet, kind heart… this gorgeous body of yours, your sharp mind… everything about you, makes me so hungry, makes me wish with everything in me that I could have what I need. I feel as if there’s a massive part of me missing, and it’s only missing when you’re gone, when you aren’t in my arms, when you’re so close, but so far from my reach. It’s torture,” he whispered.

She felt everything inside of her stirring with mounting fire. She knew she shouldn’t do it. She knew that she should turn away from him. She knew that she had no business even entertaining the idea of loving him right then, right there, but somehow the heat in her that had begun burning so dangerously hot had begun to flow through her veins, through her heart, and it seared away the reasoning in her mind until all that she could think about was everything that she was feeling. All that she could focus on was the nearness of his lips, the feel of his breath on her skin, and the knowledge of what he felt like against her body.

“If it’s torturing you, then take what you need…” she told him in a breathy voice. She leaned closer to him, and with a touch as soft as angel’s wings, she moved her lips over his. “If you want it… if you want me…” she barely spoke.

He only hesitated a moment. In the next second, his mouth was on hers and his hands were at the back of her neck, his fingers entwined in her long black hair. His mouth moved with hers as he tasted her and drank her in, and the blazes of desire that had been burning in her depths swept through her with tremendous force that overtook her.

She turned and slipped her leg over his lap, straddling him, sliding her hands to his cheeks and then moving her fingers deftly over his necktie and the buttons at the front of his shirt. He closed his hands over her hips and brought her down low on his groin until she felt the solid form of his desire pressed against her. His fingers moved to the front of her dress where he undid it and pushed it back from the swells of her breasts, exposing her demi bra beneath.

There was an audible gasp from him as he stared at her for a second, taking in the view of her in that intimate moment. She loved the way that it felt to

watch him as he looked at her with such unbridled hunger and desire. With a sultry smile, she reached up to the clasp of her bra which was nestled in between her breasts, and she undid it, letting the material break free from her as her breasts seemed to escape from the bond of the cloth.

She watched his eyes as they moved over the curved shape of her, and when his hands and his mouth closed over the soft curves, she closed her own eyes and let her head fall back, reveling in the feel of his tongue and teeth on her nipples and his hot and ravenous kisses all over her.

“This is all we’ll do…” he mumbled as he fondled her lustily. “Just this…” he continued as his mouth took over all that was before him as though it might be the last time he would ever see a woman in his life. “We won’t do anything more than this… and we won’t do anything after this…” he added, trying to sound as if he meant every word he was saying.

“No…” she agreed, “this will be it…” She opened her eyes again and looked down at him, sharing a momentary gaze of abandoned desire as she brought her lips to his and moved her body closer to his chest.

Their kisses deepened, and her body burned at the core as she felt his hardness against her through their clothes. She knew exactly what he felt like inside of her, and having him that close without being able to feel him where she most wanted him was worse than torture to her. Against her better judgment, she began to move ever so slightly, slowly and gently swaying her hips back and forth over him.

He groaned, his hands firm on her breasts, his tongue tangled with hers, and they both grew even hungrier for each other. His hands fell from her breasts to her thighs, and he pushed her skirt up gently until it wasn’t covering any part of her lower body. He slid his thumbs slowly up the inside of her thighs until he reached the thin, silky fabric of her panties. As they kissed hotly, he slipped his thumbs beneath the material and began to massage her skin, spreading the wetness he found there over her.

She moaned long and low as they kissed harder and she gripped his shoulders with her fingers. “Derrick….” she breathed his name, lifting her mouth from his and moving herself against his thumbs, which he began to rub harder and faster against her. “This is all we’re going to do… right? Just this…?” she asked, wanting everything from him and telling herself that she was going to have to be sated with only the touch of his fingers on her and inside her as he slipped them into her and manipulated her deftly.

Eva grew breathless as her heart began to race, and she felt her blood and the fire in her churning beneath his touch. He whispered her name, watching her as his fingers moved deeper and more quickly. “Come for me, baby… come for me…” He took her nipple in his mouth again, sucking and biting at it, and she cried out, holding herself to him tightly.

“Derrick…” she gasped as her body trembled, and then his fingers were gone from her, and a moment later she felt his erection, hot and hard against her flesh. “Wait!” she breathed shallowly, “we weren’t going to do everything… we weren’t going to… let me give you another way out of this.” She spoke gently and softly and pushed herself off of his lap, planting her palms on his upper thighs as she wrapped her full lips around the head of him, sucking and kissing firmly at it.

He groaned and let his head fall back for a moment, but then he looked back down at her, watching her as she took all of him over her tongue and down her throat, rubbing her fingers quickly over the base of him. He lost his breath and began to pump himself into her mouth, crying out quietly as he lost more and more control.

He had nearly orgasmed when he stopped, his eyes heavy lidded, his mouth half open, his breath gone, his heart pounding, and he cupped his hands beneath her chin, lifting her face so she could look up at him.

“Come here, baby,” he said thickly, and she let him bring her up off of her knees. He pulled her back onto his lap, reaching down between his own legs, taking himself and rubbing his erection on the wettest part of her.

“Do you want this? Do you want to take this all the way?” he asked hoarsely. “I know we said that we weren’t going to do it… I know we said we weren’t, but I need you so much… I need to feel you.”

Her only answer was to wrap her hand around the thickness of him and gently begin to rub him, stroking him upward and making him groan with even more need. She moved him to her and slid him into her just a bit before she arced herself over him and slid down the shaft of him slowly, drawing him into her until he was fully enveloped by her body.

He cried out with intense pleasure, matching her moans as they gripped each other tightly and began to rock together.

“This is the last time…” he vowed in a whisper as his hands held her hips tightly, guiding her back and forth over him, thrusting himself deeply into her with each movement. “This is it…” he began to whisper, but she pressed her lips to his and stole the rest of his words with her turning tongue.

They rocked hard together, holding fast to one another as the limo sped along the roads and highway, and all the world was just outside of the black tinted windows. As the fires inside of them built to a fury, they both reached their orgasms and cried out, shivering and shuddering as they held tight and came together, release overtaking them.

By the time they arrived at their meeting, they were both dressed again, though each of them was completely distracted with the other, and neither one of them wanted to do anything but stay in each other’s arms.

They were careful during their meeting to maintain their professional demeanor and appearance with one another, but once they were back in the limousine on their way back to Manhattan, he sighed and looked over at her.

“I know I should say that I’m sorry… I know that we never should have done that. I wouldn’t be honest if I said I was sorry, though. I’m not sorry… unless you’re hurt. I wouldn’t hurt you for anything. Not for the whole world, but if you aren’t hurt by it… then I’m not sorry. I don’t know what it is about you, but I just can’t keep away from you. You’re becoming an addiction that I just can’t get enough of. I’ve never wanted anyone like this. I’ve never needed anyone the way that I need you. I mean it when I say that we shouldn’t do anything again. I mean it when I say that nothing else should happen between us. I mean it when I say that I don’t want to hurt you, but then you get too close, and every part of me is like a hot magnet, just drawn to you without any kind of control or reason, just… needing you like my body needs oxygen.”

He looked miserable and sad, and she knew just how he felt. “I know how you’re feeling. I mean it too when I say that we aren’t doing it anymore, that we are going to just keep our business relationship and let the rest of it go. I mean that too, when I say it. I know you’re engaged to her, and I know you’re going to get married, and I don’t want to be the other woman, but then I miss you so much, and I try not to think about what you feel like to me when you touch me, when you kiss me, when I see you looking at me, and it’s like denying myself everything that I need the most in my life. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to do, staying away from you like that. It’s almost impossible, being so close and wanting you so much. Wishing that I could have you so often, feeling such a strong and powerful need for you and denying that to myself. I mean it too when I say no more, but then we get too close, we catch fire, and there’s no way to stop what we need, especially when we both give in to it like we did today.”

“So what do you want to do?” she asked him, looking over at him without an answer in the world. “Do we say that we aren’t going to do anything and then give in every time we can’t hold back from each other, or do we just admit how much we need each other and share ourselves all that we can until you’re married? I don’t want to be the other woman. I don’t want to have an affair with you when you’re married. I won’t do that; I can promise you that right now. And I hate that I am saying this and that it’s become a viable option for me, but I just can’t make myself stay away from you, and I feel as if you are in the same place with me.

Do you want to continue this crazy, hot, beautiful thing we have until you get married, and then we agree that it won’t ever happen again and we stick to that?” she asked breathlessly as her chest tightened.

He took her hand and kissed her fingers gently. “I would never ask you to do that, but if you want to, then we will. We can share what we’re feeling, what we want, and what we need so desperately with each other until then… I don’t even know when it will be, but I know it will be soon. I’ll enter into a loveless marriage with a woman I don’t want, and when that happens, I will give you up at least intimately, but between now and then, you would be such a reprieve for me… such a release and a beautiful, wonderful passion to hold and lose myself in until my life sentence begins with her. If you’re willing to agree that we can have each other until then, and then when I get married give everything with me up, then we can keep what we have for the brief time that we are able to have it. Is that something you think you can do?” He looked as if she might be throwing him a lifeline, and he was desperate to take it.

“Yes,” she smiled at him and brought his hand to her lips, kissing his fingers. “I can do that. I want to do that. I want you for as long as I can have you before I can’t have you any longer, and then we’re just going to have to work out a way that we can be around each other without giving in to one another. We’re both adults. I think we can do that. I think we should be able to indulge in each other until then and then give each other up. That I can do, if that’s what you want to do as well.”

Derrick smiled at her. “I want you for every second that I can have you, until I absolutely can’t have you anymore.” He reached for her and pulled her close to him, wrapping his arm around her as she snuggled close to his chest and leaned her head against it, listening to his heart as it beat and wishing that she could just stay there against him forever.