I thought the hard part was telling my family. Turns out the hard part was what came after.

The quiet work of not going back.

Dr. Amina called it "closing the doors."

"Grief has a back door," she said. "And nostalgia keeps it open. You have to walk around and shut every window yourself."

So that was what October became.

The first day : I started with my Phone

I sat on the floor with my phone and a cup of tea. Started with contacts.

Numbers I hadn’t called in years but still had saved "just in case."

There was also Darius. Kola’s second number. Two other names I never...