The thought crosses my mind and I immediately push it away again as stupid and impulsive. It’s a manipulation for an outcome, and I shouldn’t even think of doing it for that reason.

I should want to marry him because I love him. At this point in our journey, we are clawing at some honesty to build something real, and here I’m deviously thinking of a plan to use what he is to me for my own ends.

After everything we have gone through, lies and games, manipulation and misunderstandings. It would ruin us if I used this to get what I want. I don’t want to harm what we...