I want to wait for him, but I think it’s probably a better idea to get in bed and wait there instead. He has an equally huge tv up there positioned for optimal viewing from the bed and maybe if I head up then this huge furry beast will stop sitting four foot away and stabbing me with those eyeballs. The dog is creeping me out and he will eventually get right up beside me and then God knows what. Chew off my leg? Lie on me and crush me to death? He is hardly small.

He is literally silent and still, much like his master as he bores those...