It was, in fact, my 'dweeb friend' Ross. He was annoyed I'd kept him waiting on the line for so long and more annoyed when it became clear that I wasn't paying attention to what he was saying. What was he saying?

"Are you listening?" he demanded?

"No," I said, actually in response to something he'd asked a minute previously. "I mean, what? Of course I'm listening."

"You're fuckin' not. What's wrong with you?"

'If you want to know I just came really hard in my mother's arse,' is what I was awfully tempted to say but, of course, I didn't. I'm only stupid in comparison to the rest of...