"Two years, tops," she said. One of Michelle's hobbies at these things was predicting how long the marriage she was shooting was going to last. She even wrote them down in a book to keep track of how accurate her predictions were. So far nine years was the highest she'd predicted around me.

"This is making me deeply worried about what my wedding day is going to be like," I said.

"Elope," Michelle said simply.

I looked at her and frowned.

"I'm completely serious," she said. "You know what almost everyone of these couples wishes they had done when things got truly batshit insane? They all wished they'd eloped. Hopped...