January was when I stopped lying to myself.

I can’t tell you the exact moment it happened because there wasn’t one. It was more like the way snow accumulates, each inch looking manageable until you open the door and realize it has reached the handle and you’ve been ignoring it for hours. I had been adding things to a pile for weeks and finally, in the grey flat light of a Tuesday morning in January, I looked at the pile.

I was in love with Eli.

Not new. That was the part that took the wind out of me. I sat with it and turned it around and looked at...