But she was thoroughly not attracted to me. She never laughed at my jokes, even the good ones that everyone else thought were funny. She hardly ever even looked at me. It was excruciating. And of course, as arrogant dudes do when they get that completely stonewalled, I decided that she had to be a lesbian. I can be a jerk sometimes. Sue me.

Needless to say, I was in agony the following year when another counselor named Duane, who had ended up attending the same university as she did that fall, came back the next year and described to me in horrifying detail just exactly how not lesbian Yvette...