We were enjoying our evening. Although we were having a good time together, my thoughts were elsewhere. Guilt gnawed at me accompanied by sadness. I had a macho side and unfortunately I had a hard time letting go of it because I hated it but this character trait surfaces when it feels like it. I hurt the woman I love and it's my best friends who let me know. I was absolutely not able to realize my mistakes. Now I was very angry with myself and needed to see her. I refused to admit it, but ever since that fight, I missed Neva a lot. My feelings for her were...