I sat through a crappy half hour stand up show on the Comedy network, hearing little of the jokes through the ringing in my ears, a souvenir from the loud club music. I went through a bit of the emotional cycle I had developed through years of silently being in love with Alanna. Self loathing, guilt, frustration, wonder, sarcasm... not in that order. Sometimes it made me feel better, sometimes it didn't. That night it didn't do anything. It was probably best if I just went to bed, snapped one off and then slept through half the weekend.

I made my way upstairs, intending to go straight to bed but...