Several times I came within a gnat's ass of interrupting, and making them aware of my presence. There have been moments when I wish I had. Those moments are few and far-in-between. Most of the time, as warped as it may seem to you, the reader, I thank my lucky stars that I stayed hidden and kept my trap shut. I give thanks to the gods of chance, that had me come home a day early, made me park my car in the garage, and who encouraged me to nap on the couch. Otherwise this would be a very short essay, and my life would be infinitely more boring.

As...