"Steve." He racked the balls. As we played, I found out a little about him. Steve was a graduate student in computer science. "Theoretical work only; nothing practical about it at all," he joked. He was a year younger than me, and he had also recently ended a serious relationship. "I chose this graduate program to stay with her, but it just wasn't working out." He was kind and gentle - maybe a little too passive for a man. And he had been the opposite of a flirt.

I asked him, "Why would your girlfriend leave someone as nice as you? You're such a sweetheart." It was risky. I might...