Sometimes, I feel the need to disappear without notice to know who my people are. I want to learn who to keep. I want to identify who really cares when I'm gone.

But I'm afraid that there's really no one finding me. I'm afraid that I can't manage my expectations and get hurt in the end.

It's not that I don't trust the people around me. But there were times that I wish people could just utter their eulogies before death arrives. So in that way, I'd be able to hear them. I'd be able to hear the truth from them.

I couldn't feel anything besides being tired. I don't...