I think I finally grew some damn balls with Mateo tonight.

But shit - I should've grown more.

I should've just asked him about Valentina. Straight up. No bullshit.

How the hell did I just swallow her story without even giving him a chance to speak? Without proof? Without anything?

Stupid.

Stupid.

Stupid.

Walking back to my room after he left, I slapped my own cheek - hard. It stung. Good. I deserved it.

I should've let him touch me. Should've forgotten her face and let him take me again. He wanted *me*. Not her. Me. And I pushed him away like a fucking idiot.

Am I really this dumb?...