I wake up empty. Edgar is not around. And don't close your eyes again. He didn't want to listen to me. He didn't let his mouth open. My stubborn husband.

"Pretend you love." Like a laugh. I don't have to pretend, but will he believe? Hear? Feel? A vicious circle, and I don't know if there is a way out of it. How to shout to him, to get through?

I don't feel guilty. Only crushed, torn to pieces. Despair is the name of my condition. But maybe there is still hope? Edgar is back. Couldn't leave. And this insatiability, mixed with tenderness. He did not punish, but ... loved....